Inkism

2009-06-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

i'm gonna stop posting on this blog for now in favour of a more private one which nobody will be able to find by just google-ing my name.

since no one will teach me how to lock this blog i guess this is the best i can do.

it's gonna be real cryptic and stuff so don't bother trying to find it using any search engine.

though i might tell you if you ask reeeeeeeeeal nicelike and actually seem to have a genuine interest in my shit-ass life 8D

2009-06-01T00:03:00.002+08:00

i realise that there's no point in doing well academically or excelling in other areas of life when you look just too damn fugly.

because you will only be happy until you look in a mirror.

like me.

and people like me, upon looking in a mirror or any reflective surface for that matter, will go "WHAT THE FUCK!?" and the less mentally stable ones will grab a knife and stab themselves through the heart.

me? i shoulder on, because i always think there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, even though that light may be so dim, it could just be a tiny candle in the face of a bloody hurricane.

like all the stories about building a house on sand, making sure your base is firm, there is no point trying to rack up a list of accomplishments when the template that God based your physical being upon is so damn fucked up.

i wrote in the recent GP CT2 paper that those who defy their physical handicaps should be applauded for their efforts, but in truth that really isn't how the world works, is it? people may acknowledge the effort put in, but deep down inside, they know that these...disadvantaged ones will never compare to them.

likewise, with those who are so ugly people cringe at the very sight of them. that is the life i lead sometimes to me...some modern version of medusa, just with short stumpy blackened snake butts instead of full blown slithery green scaley ones on the top of my head.

why?

why am i so affected by this?

because people put so much damn emphasis on it that's why. in an environment like RJ, where everyone is at least average in terms of academics the defining element is whether you can still maintain your image despite adopting a mugger's way of life.

and i just can't.

well, woe is me then. i can't keep up i guess.

too bad everyone else around me is so freaking well-endowed. why did God have to leave me behind? nobody's going to like me for who i am because i look so freaking screwed up.

aiyah.

i just hate myself.

2009-05-30T23:50:00.002+08:00

wow wasn't today a shit day indeed.

at the moment my life just seems to consist of softball and studying, so if i screw up either of them i'm a dead duck.

or worse than a dead duck, a dead chicken as coach robert said ytd.

ytd...my shoulder's alot worse than i thought. really impeding my movement and it's so obvious that even eng hock could tell. i guess that should be expected since he's the coach anyway, but i don't want to look like a noob. thought i was doing okay when i threw a runner out at third when he took a lead off a wild pitch, but then i conspired to overthrow at second from less than 60 feet, sending jeeboon home and my outfield chasing an obviously lost cause.

didn't help by grounding out to shortstop with my only hit of the game. got walked two out of three at-bats.

i really want to make the team to johor please please please...

and i really dont want to screw up my ct2's. i dunno if i should just give up on h3...i missed so many lessons it's getting quite hard to catch up and prepare for the test WHICH IS IN LESS THAN A WEEK'S TIME. i already decided to totally not study mass spec and emr so that's two topics down. the rest should be just hardcore memory work but i'm afraid it might dilute whatever else i study for h2.

omg why is my life so fucked up...

and i still dunno how to lock my blog.

please stop coming to read this if you don't like to read about my life. i need somewhere to rant and i'm just going to tire myself out by keeping a diary instead.

2009-05-29T00:08:00.002+08:00

please stop,you're hurting me.

haiz everything i do also kena fucked.

why do the good things in life always have to turn sour just when you're really living it?

FUCK MY LIFE

2009-05-27T20:33:00.003+08:00

i hate everytime this happens; it's just like losing a part of yourself. you spend every waking moment thinking about what she's doing, and how you can be with her. it's as if she's hurting you when she's doing nothing at all.

but she is! being passive is the worst thing she can do. it fills my heart to hear her concern, to see her come over, instead of me making the first move all the time. but when she doesn't react, when she seems so disinterested, i just feel like tearing a whole in the ground and jumping inside before closing it forever. that is the ignominy i put myself through every day because i have such a big mouth.

and because she is such a good friend, i cannot imagine that she's doing anything of this on purpose. this i am sure of; she's really been there for me all the time. which is why i cannot bear to gatecrash her party which is her life. why change it if it's working just fine? why should i have the privilege of being her shoulder to cry on, or the one she confides in when she has so many other probably better friends?

2009-05-26T21:37:00.001+08:00

...maybe she would've brought it home if i had gotten a nicer bag for her to carry it in. i just hope she actually likes it.

2009-05-21T19:24:00.002+08:00

/edit

it's damn hard to keep things under wraps now. she's just so so integral to everything i do.

/edit

seems like just yesterday that i had to dig out this song that really depicts what i'm feeling right now (:

Kill
Jimmy Eat World

Well, you're just across the street;
Looks a mile to my feet;
I wanna go to you.
Funny how I'm nervous still,
I've always been the easy kill;
I guess I always will.

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance,
Or only one way that it was always meant to be,
You kill me you always know the perfect thing to say,
Hey hey,
Hey hey.
I know what I should do but I just,
Can't walk,
Away.

I can picture your face well,
From the bar in my hotel.
I wish I'd go to you.
I pick up, put down the phone.
Like your favorite Heatmiser song goes,
It's just like being alone.

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain,
I need answers for what all the waiting I've done means,
You kill me, you've got some nerve but can't face your mistakes,
Hey hey,
Hey hey.
I know what I should do but I just, Can't turn,Away,
Away,
Away.

So go on, love,
Leave while there's still hope for escape.
You gotta take what you can these days;
There's so much ahead and,
So much regret.
I know what you wanna say,
I know what you wanna say,
I know it, but can't help feeling differently,
I loved you,
And I should have said it,
But tell me, just what has it ever meant?

I can't help it baby, this is who I am,
I'm sorry but I can't just go turn off how I feel,
You kill me, you build me up,
But just to watch me break.
Hey hey,
Hey hey.
I know what I should do but I just,
Can't walk,Away....

2009-05-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

okay slau, you're on your own.

apparently, having a friend you confide in is beyond other's ability to grasp. are there really so few people who know the value of friendship? or is it a sin to have to depend on others in your time of need?

fine then, if what i'm doing is so wrong, i'm just going to keep to myself. let's see how much good that accomplishes.

a trying week

2009-05-16T19:39:00.002+08:00

a trying week although almost over, has already thrown up quite a few issues. disregarding the big ones that have obviously left me really disappointed, i think i should be addressing the supposedly more minute ones. like my language. i think i should swear less. yes, even though the last post doesn't really prove my point but i'm really trying! just tend to lose control of myself when i get too pissed off.

and that too: i've really been trying to control my temper recently. cos it's not nice when you get angry at other people. i wouldn't like to have people getting angry at me everyday so i guess i should try to be the same to others. but i seriously just lost it yesterday. was given a good talking-to by mrs nathan. i really miss the ri days. teachers used to really care about student welfare then. not to say that there aren't any who do now, because i'm sure there are, but 1.5 - 2 years can never be compared to the kind of reliability that you forge with mentors who have been with you for 3, sometimes even 4 years. even after so many months, she still knows the right things to say.

other than that i really think i need to shore up my image a little. probably one of the reasons why i'm not reaching out to 'her' so well: i'm just not up to her standard. got to bring in the hardcore strengthening and dieting regime again!

and my verse to get me through the week (yes, even when this has become a time when admitting that you're a Christian can really get you into alot of shit. i know that i haven't really been a very good testimony but at least i still believe in what i'm doing. don't think alot of people can say the same thing can they?):

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

FUCK

2009-05-14T00:11:00.002+08:00

i feel like shit. i don't know how i am going to get to sleep today, but i have to. i don't know how i'm going to face the rest of the world today, but i have to. because life goes on. i am not going to kill myself because of something like this. i am not going to give up on God because of something like this.

but it is really damn fucking difficult to keep the faith right now. i am unbelievably shattered beyond description. i feel like a worthless piece of shit who has no useful contribution to make to God's green earth in an entire eternity, and i don't think i deserve any self-respect at all.

FUCK all the people who have screwed up. i hope none of them come here and see this or i would have controlled my feelings during matches for nothing. FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!! WHY ARE MY DREAMS DETERMINED BY THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS?!!!???! IS PLAYING UNDER THE EFFECTS OF PAINKILLERS NOT ENOUGH!?! HAVE I NOT MADE ENOUGH SACRIFICES!?!? WHY AM I PLAYING IN A TEAM SPORT!?!?! WHY CAN'T I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF!?!?! WHY CAN'T I WIN EVERY GAME ON MY OWN!??!?!

what is the point of playing internationally if i can't even make it at school level!?

WHY!?

why am i not loved!? why can she not see that underneath everything i really truly do care for her and only her!? why do i have to lose everywhere!? why is she against everything that i am!? how can i forego my religion for her!? why must i like someone who is against my religion!? why is God so unfair!?!? how is this granting my heart's desire!??! HOW CAN I NOT BE DISCOURAGED!?!?! HOW CAN I OBEY!? HOW CAN I KEEP THE FAITH!? HOW CAN I FACE THE WORLD!?!?!?

I AM NOT SUPERHUMAN!!! I HAVE FEELINGS TOO!!! I FEEL DISAPPOINTMENT!!! I FEEL ANGER!!! I WANT TO BEAT PEOPLE UP!!! I WANT TO KILL THAT MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD WHO PITCHED THE BALL IN MY FACE TODAY AND MADE ME DODGE AND FEEL FEAR!!!! I WANT TO KILL HIM!!!! I FEEL PAIN!!! I CANNOT KEEP THROWING AND THROWING AND THROWING FOREVER!!! MY SHOULDER IS DYING!!! I NEED PAINKILLERS!!!!

God help me.

how can a loser ever win?

2009-05-13T19:54:00.001+08:00

took the wrong kind of painkillers today.

cos even though the body was fine

my insides have just been shattered, burnt, drained.

stupid slau

2009-05-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

slauuuuuuu don't be an idiot! stop weirding people out! stop screwing up your life! now you don't even have anyone to talk to!!

200-something

2009-05-02T00:08:00.002+08:00

Attention! Attention!
May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
if only, if only for one second.
Will you hear what I have to say?

TWO MORE DAYS

to you: thank you for taking on the very unglamorous role of being my confidante, my mom and my friend indeed. what would i be but just another hopeless idiot without you standing by me all the way.

The Final Countdown

2009-04-18T21:33:00.001+08:00

OKAY! the next two weeks will be the most hardcore ones of my life.

have to stop going for extra practices for awhile.

4/5/2009 at ACSi...remember the day slau.

what matters most

2009-04-15T22:58:00.002+08:00

i haven't been emo (meaning thoughtful and pessimistic about life imho) in such a long time, meaning that it's really been a good past few weeks for me. yeah there were a few hiccups here and there but overall i've been feeling pretty good about life. not anymore, actually. i think the joys have given way to new forms of stress and i'm not really enjoying this added pressure. there are just so many commitments i have to deal with at this point in time i feel like i could explode. i don't have time for friends, friends probably hardly have time for me either, and despite the many accomplishments i have to my name i doubt i'm actually really enjoying life. i don't know why i feel the need to have so many accolades, but i may be experiencing the other side of success, in a very trying way indeed. h3 test on saturday, friendlies on fridays/saturdays. more training. men's league on sunday. and the season starts in two weeks. if we don't perform to expectations, and i really expect to go all the way this time, there's no telling what effect the disappointment may have on myself. i think i'm really freaking out this time. i've been putting myself under so much stress, overloading myself with the need to succeed. and now that i think i've gotten almost everything i've set out to get, i'm not sure if it's worth it after all. and that really sucks. all the hard work, all the extra hours put in when going down to kallang and slogging it out at night when people could be at home resting, spending 4 hours a week learning extra stuff just to make my CV more impressive when others are experiencing the more beautiful aspects of life, i think i may be missing out on what life is really all about. i can't help but think that i'm slowly losing touch of my friends. this is just one of the few opportunities when i've been able to sit down and actually think about life. all the while i've been busy working, studying, training, sleeping...that's all my life's been revolving around. and to think i used to look up to people who led this kind of life. not to be degrading, but i doubt that it's actually worth much. maybe it's just my state of mind at the moment. maybe i'm just feeling a little down because of the weather. i don't know, i really don't know. but i dare not entertain the thought that whatever i've worked so much for is going to eventually come to naught. i think what i need is some good old perspective. and not from myself, i don't trust that anymore.

Dreams

2009-04-14T00:51:00.002+08:00

the desire and need for my team to get to the finals this year is now greater than ever. there is no other alternative. we cannot fail to get the gold this time round.

199

2009-04-09T21:12:00.002+08:00

the mind is willing, but my body apparently is unable to take 5 days of training a week.

study hard play hard

2009-04-05T18:16:00.002+08:00

yes i shouldn't be thinking about girls. i have so many good things already why the heck would i need a girlfriend now!?

197

2009-03-25T19:43:00.002+08:00

so my birthday has come and gone...18 years old already! i should be maturing by now.

i learnt alot of things on the KL trip, alot of new ways to look at life, alot of things about other people. alot of possibilities, and alot of ways in which things can turn out differently from what you initially expect them to be. it wasn't exactly a very fulfilling time in terms of softball, i basically screwed up in my first and only chance to play and i think it's justified that someone else took over the position for subsequent matches, but the team is really a strong one, and we showed that in the last game against m'sia.

anyway i've decided to continue going back for trainings as often as i can. obviously school ones come first, because i have a commitment to the institution that's brought me so far, but i feel that these trainings can really help me improve. being around people who are so much better than me and have so much more to offer can only stand me in good stead in the future, and i hope that i can up my standard before the nationals come around. the whole team can't be depending on just watson to hold the game. i can throw so many more people out, stop so many more throws better. read the game in a much more matured fashion.

maturity. it really is something that i've been finding hard to grasp, even when experiences aren't really considered a first when i face them. i should be ready to handle what life throws at me, especially when i've encountered them before, but i always find myself ill-prepared and unready. and i tend to over-react as a result.

it is heartening to find people like kenny who, even though they don't know you very well, are so open to sharing things about life with you. yes, the subject matter may sound superficial to some, but to me it is really applicable in many other situations. it helps me control my temper, my emotions, and helps me come up with a more rational response to things. just like in the game; relax and take it easy. choose not to hit rather than to hit. never throw behind the runner. so many things to remember in that split second when the difference of a step, the width of the barrel of a bat, can determine which side wins or loses. when it's two done in the ninth, (or fifth. or tenth, as ichiro showed.) will i be mature enough to carry myself as the person that i want to be?

obviously i haven't been concentrating on math, but i feel that i am adequetly prepared. just need to do some last minute revision. at least i'm being more serious about my studies, although econs was really honestly hell. what a way to celebrate a birthday.

up and down week

2009-03-07T18:23:00.002+08:00

okay the week hasn't exactly passed completely yet, but so many things have happened that have made me happy/sad etc whatever that i just have to blog. after quite a while oO

1) i passed napfa! :D of course i would have liked to have gotten a gold, but sbj is really too hard to improve over such a short period of time and i wasn't going to risk injuring myself by taking another jump. still, it's a large large improvement from last year when i eff-ed it up real bad and got stuck in fitness for the rest of the year.

2) i think i have an issue with emotions. i get attached to people too easily, and i end up having a hard time letting go. i think too much about things around me, so much so that i inevitably reduce my self-esteem to such an extent that i can hardly stand myself. sigh. at least i didn't cry in front of my mom/dad and i'm really grateful for people who have helped me feel better.

3) i got in! after near-killing myself training 5 days in a row and potentially 6 i'm going up to malaysia with the team! i just hope i don't screw up, i really want to justify the coaches' decision.

and finally thank god. i really really wouldn't have survived this week without Jesus. all glory to Him.

-

2009-02-20T19:18:00.002+08:00

wow...it's been so long since i've blogged that i forgot the email that i used for the account oO anyway today was a very eventful and fucked up day in many ways.

1) i discovered the defining equation that differentiates boys and girls.
very useful discovery right? prevents you from fucking up and pissing off people unintentionally. like seriously, where the fuck did that attitude come from!?

2) the library is a good place to clean your shoes.
what the fuck...how could the canteen have gotten dirtier after bloody project tuckshop? my chem notes got soaked in some soupy shit, and i stepped into some white stuff which i hope is not what i think it is. fucked up for me. then i went to clean them on the library's carpetted floor. fucked up for the school. serves them right.

3) i got owned by my gp teacher for making too much noise OO
do i even need to elaborate?

4) i am dying for chem h3.

ain't that a kick in the head

2009-02-02T20:31:00.002+08:00

wow...seeing the j1s at orientation today really brings back memories Oo

actually orientation was pretty fun for me last year, dunno why alot of my batchmates are instigating juniors to pon stuff. maybe it's cos my og was just too pro :D

anyway, another thing i realised today is that it sucks to get stabbed in the back...by a mofo son of a bitch who really should have known better.

welcoming the new year with a kick in the face

2009-01-17T23:08:00.003+08:00

so the first week of school has come and gone and i can only gape and go WHAT THE FARK.

if there ever had been a juicy steak, on the smouldering barbecue pit of homework, then it would have definitely been burnt to a crisp by the first hour of school.

okay actually it didn't really turn out that bad. homecoming was rocking and i was still getting thumbs-ups for the performance today :D really gives a good confidence booster every now and then.

can't really remember the exact going-ons for this week but homework has really been flooding in and i can only pay myself on the back and say that getting started during the hols was probably my best decision ever.

i've also tried to be a little nicer to people. like you know, smile more. but it seems that this additional strain on my jaw has prompted my teeth to REALIGN themselves!? and apparently my lower teeth are now slanted to the right. again, WHAT THE FARK!?

but all this good feelings have kinda been off-set by my distaste for a certain someone in very close proximity. it really is a wonder how my dislike for this particular person could have experienced such an exponential increase, as someone else so conveniently put it. some may say i'm just spiteful, and that this person is convivial at best. but i say again, for the third time, WHAT THE FARK!? are you deaf!? i, for one, cannot tolerate hours on end of intermittent AH LIAN MUMBO JUMBO! and it's not as if i want to be nosey, but SHE JUST TALKS TO GODDAMN LOUDLY!!

i have nothing against stupid conversations, heck, i make them all the time. but PLEASE don't subject others to your BRAIN-DECAYING, CURSORY, DELETERIOUS ESPECIALLY TO MY STATE OF MIND subject topics! it's not as if i have super hearing, but your possessing super whisper is definitely a possibility.

unless you're so full of yourself that you don't even think whispering is a necessity given your high and mighty nature?

for the last time, what the fark. don't act like a big shot. you're just a puny little loser!

10 to 200

2009-01-13T21:19:00.002+08:00

i seriously need some good blister tape. my left palm is getting torn apart oO

i sometimes wonder how some people can have such minute amounts of self-consciousness, even though they have one of the most effed up faces i have ever seen in my damn life. modelling, for crying out loud. get a life, loser.

and i tend to lose my cool slightly more often nowadays. especially around the kind of people that just stand around, doing nothing, giving other more people work to do, and talk in high-pitched irritating whiney voices, which is especially likely if that person is a girl. to me the volume doesn't really matter, it's when they start getting sharp that i just have to slap myself and swear at the person. well, at least i almost did today.

stupid useless piece of shit.

GFC 8 - 4 EFC

2009-01-07T20:35:00.004+08:00

BREAKING NEWS

in the heart-stopping final of the Wanjoo Raffles Premier Lower League Cup, what started out as a keenly contested match turned into a thrashing for EFC as they were thumped 8 - 4 by the boys from GFC. captain samuel lau, star versatile defender cum keeper ong woosheng , and midfield general pern jie ran riot, bagging a brace each while their diminutive winger seetow shiun yang, playing out of position on the right side of a four-man midfield, and last minute introduction fu zhi hao scored a goal each to round off a convincing victory which no one could have portended given the even start to this crucial encounter at the RI Astroturf Stadium.

in a ding dong first half, both sides matched each other stride for stride, before captain, chairman and first team coach lau rose highest to head in a corner from the right by seetow, who delivered other quality set pieces on the night, but his forwards were too wasteful to reap the full benefits. the slack defending employed by the EFC defenders allowed lau to sneak in unmarked to the centre of the six yard box, and plant a firm header past the futile grasp on then-keeper jun ming.

having used up his karma and then unable to summon his byakugan for the time being, lau was forced to take over as keeper in order for the team to defend their lead. despite a number of comfortable saves, even a point blank one at the feet of EFC captain gan guo wei, his lack of experience in that position was telling, when he finally spilled a fateful long range effort from EFC's record signing koh jian ying, and the rebound was gleefully snapped up by right back for the day, chia keat loong despite the despairing dive of the tremendously embarrassed keeper.

both sides went into the break thus level at 1-1, but who was to know that the half time break was to signal the start of a trigger-happy second half that yielded 10 goals?

GFC started the second period in fine fashion, raining shot after shot on the EFC goal, while their opponents waited desperately for their chance to counterattack. lau had now taken a more advanced role, playing just behind the big forward zhu yi, and this switch proved crucial as he established GFC's lead for the second time in this match.

a miskicked clearance out of the EFC penalty area was blocked by lau, who laid the ball off to ong. the left winger then picked out lau as he charged into the penalty area, and with the defenders having been drawn out to the side by zhu yi's diagonal run, lau was left with the easiest chances as he slotted low and to the right of the keeper on the one on one.

as ecstatic as lau and his team were, EFC were not to be denied as they hit back almost immediately, catching GFC keeper lee soon yoong off his line, and EFC captain gan's long range speculative shot looped into the back of an empty net.

with the scores now locked at 2-2, the onus was now on GFC to go forward. and did they ever! almost every shot they took seemed to hit the back of the net, as their forwards and midfielders swept forward with such speed and movement that they left EFC's defence trailing in their wake. but out of all the goals, ong's goal that restored GFC's lead was the most crucial.

taking a pass on his right in one of his trademark bursts from midfield, pernjie slammed the ball straight into the crotch of the on-rushing goalkeeper for EFC, bao ningyu. floored, the keeper could only lie on the pitch in pain as ong gleefully tucked the ball into an unguarded net. captain gan protested vehemently, but there was no arguing the legitimacy of the goal, and the lead was now back in GFC's hands. 3 - 2 to GFC.

seetow then took over the show in midfield, putting his creativity and imagination on show as he then set up a goal for pernjie, and then got one himself on a long throw from lau. with the EFC team now in shambles, and their forwards koh and gan isolated in the opposition half, a hopeful long ball out of the GFC defence caught the EFC defenders flatfooted, leaving pernjie with a clear shot at goal, which he confidently took to take his tally for the night to two. ong extended the GFC lead to 7-2, and with the match supposedly dead and buried, the GFC team decided to sit back and defend their 5-goal lead.

but captain gan exemplified the spirit and determination that has prompted the sengkang punggol u-16 side to table record breaking offers for his signature, scoring again from long range, before setting up fellow forward koh, as the latter curled a superb shot from the edge of the penalty area into the far post, leaving then-keeper ong stranded. with the score at 7-4, lau decided not to take any chances, and swapped ong with seetow, who by then had already played three positions on the night: left back, right winger, and now shotstopper.

with the momentum now belonging to EFC, the GFC defenders were having a torrid time dealing with the enthusiastic players. sensing a need for change, lau brought on his newest signing, defensive midfielder fu zhi hao, to try and shore up the midfield and establish some solidity in his team.

but he gave GFC more than that, running onto yet another long ball out of the GFC defence to slot in low past the EFC keeper. that was the last goal of the night, and GFC then ran out the rest of the match to finish as 8-4 winners of the Wanjoo Raffles Premier Lower League Cup.

said captain lau after the match, "this is a relatively young group of players, but they have displayed such maturity and confidence today, that it belies their age. i really did not expect us to come away with such a convincing victory, and i am sure that my team will only go from strength to strength in the years to come."

well, he might have to start his search for a new goal-maker earlier than expected, with NYY Football Club having expressed interest in their chief goal creator for the night seetow. and with GFC yet to offer the versatile defender-midfielder cum keeper a new contract, the club mayy very well lose a top talent for absolutely nothing.

but for now, the GFC chairman/manager/captain and the rest of his team can spend some time enjoying the fruits of their labour, and savour the success that comes with winning this coveted Cup.

for those about to rock (we salute you)

2009-01-06T19:45:00.002+08:00

i seriously freaking wish i was in oteam. like sincerely honestly. i cannot believe why anyone who's in oteam would not want to be in oteam. so that's twice already i've helped nic cut cardboard :D which is strangely fulfilling and because then with oteam i wouldn't have to sit at home all day doing nothing!

okay fine i actually studied quite a bit but now i've gotten myself pissed off because i have no idea how to do some stupid alkanes tutorial question because I HAVE NO IDEA WTF IS CHLORINATION AND WHEN THE F DID WE LEARN ABOUT CHLORINATION!? yes given the high i experienced after promos i might have missed out on some things but WHAT THE F I MUST BE BLIND NOW!

because it's not in the notes!

damnit!

mother f!

and update: i broke my first new year resolution 34 hours into 2009. go me. yes, i said the eff word only on the second day of the freaking new year. hence the number of f words in this post. i am not going to consciously try to change this habit of mine. i am just hoping it will subconsciously go away. since it is one of the ineffable things that makes the whole world worse.

actually for that to be ineffable would be quite contradictory such is the nature of the sin.

okay now i'm getting too confusing for my own good.

ANYWAY i think the moral of the story is i have to be angelic good from now on because i think if i had been angelically good i would ultimately have had a better 2008.

why?

cos everybody's so freaking law by law in damn rjc.

yes! after many a conversation with many a well informed people i have come to the conclusion that everybody in rjc loves a good boy or girl. except for well, those select few. and if i could portend (mwahaha making use of SATS vocab list now) the future i would probably say being good is the way to go. i wouldn't want to spend eternity rotting in hell. or burning. burning sounds more appropriate.

but i can see why people wouldn't want to be so angelically good all the time.

because some people just bloody deserve it!

it's not as if everyone's born torpid or obstreperous or ieorwuheodjsad (gotcha...that isn't a real word.), but nobody can, in the long term, force themselves to be obsequious to bloody bastards and bitches who engage in their damn histrionics all day long!

oooh i love this!

ooh that is so rad!

ooh i am talking loudly without doing any work and basically making a downright irritant of myself because i worship the goddess of hedonism britney spears!

see what i mean.

and talk about their taste in music, these people are almost inherently abstemious by depriving themselves of good music! who in their right mind would actually put HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL songs in their ipod!? Oo

yes i know whatshername's squeaky high-pitched voice would probably appeal to the mammalian mouse centre of your brain but doesnt it just send shudders through the rest of your very much human (which i currently am inclined to doubt) body!?

and that's just ONE of them!

and that's not all...they absolutely almost positively hate already ensconced bands with three-time platinum status like ac/dc! why they persist in being so hidebound amazes me. but i guess it has to do with their accidental crossing of genes with the other sex.

anyway school is about to start soon! however i am not exactly particularly lachrymose about it...weird. see you all on jan 12th!

(and seriousy, who the hell uses these kinda SATS words in every day speech!? it just obfuscates everything!)

happy new year!

2009-01-01T02:00:00.002+08:00

for 2009:

no eff words!
5 As for a's! :D
gold for nats pls!
silver for napfa plspls omg T_T
have the guts to kill people i don't like pls!
be a better friend!
mug me ass off!

okay this should do for now. boon lay just tired me out.

deck the hols

2008-12-30T00:43:00.003+08:00

gah, blew a big blister into my left palm. large piece of skin got torn off while doing circuit today and i just burst another big one just beside it so now it's one giant blister. might as well cut off my left hand while we're at it.

went over to ri just as they were packing their equip for the chiangmai trip. i guess it's just as well that we're not going since we don't have a pitcher neways. just hope everyone's been keeping in touch with the game by themselves over the course of this break. wouldn't want to have to backtrack again when school reopens.

team's shaping up nicely though, just have to say that. pitcher's not as untouchable as LKH, but we've got a good defence with backup (for one position at least) now. outfield's getting more hardcore, just gotta translate training offense to the game and hope and pray my dodgy elbow doesn't flare up at the wrong time. in other words, everyone's gna get messed up pretty bad by us next year. good luck y'alls.

just cannot believe we haven't won any shit yet. hopefully God has brought the team this far so that we can finish this off on a high. sec 4's still a painful memory. but the same people aren't around to dish out payback onto. to a certain extent we really kicked their coach's ass last year. just got to put one final stamp, and a boot, into the crack in his butt and we'll be all done.

to 2009, yes yes.

will be spending the last day of '08 on the other side of the island. forgive me if this year goes without a summarising post. not as if anyone comes around anyway.

toodles.

/edit

just dug this out from the team blog -

SLau

-lose some bloody weight.
-throw out every runner that dares steal two, have more confidence to throw.
-block all balls. as in, all.
-put on catcher's armour under 15 seconds.
-improve bunting and speed.
-EVERY GAME, LUB SOME BALL!
-win the damn gold please?

just another timely reminder...

post no. 185

2008-12-28T17:29:00.002+08:00

thanks for the cards, mingzhe, grace and tess! :D

so now christmas is over, i guess the next thing to look forward to is er...boon lay countdown? Oo yeah, i'll be spending the last day of 2008 at boon lay, helping out with the countdown there. my parents were slightly pissed that they're gonna have to travel all the way across the island at 12 in the morning to pick me up haha but i'm not so sure they would have liked me to spend the morning at the void deck of a block of flats...would have been interesting though.

i spent a few hours at boon lay yesterday too, packing 5000 goodie bags...or about there i guess. if chee hadn't gotten some of the poloers to help out i think i would still be there today >< not cool man. but at the end of everything my back was aching as much as it had the second day of the softball chalet. haha, but all for a good cause i guess: my cip hours account!

and maybe it just wasn't a good day for me, but after yesterday i would just bomb singapore to hell and back. at the end of everything some of us were moving about 200 of the goodie bags to the CC, which was about 150m from where we were packing everything. initially loading them all onto the two trolleys that were provided seemed like quite a good idea, but in the end everything started falling out even before we were 10% of the way, and in the end i had to load about 20 of the damn bags on each arm and roll the rest on the trolley to the CC. on the way random bags were tipping and falling off and some of the contents even spilled all over the pavement. and cos the group of us were quite dispersed and spread out none of the rest could see my ordeal.

but a hell lot of passers-by could and did any one of them help? NO! fk no! bloody useless creeps...this group of two guys and a girl even stopped right in their tracks and turned around and took another route the minute they saw me coming their way with the trolley. wherever you bastards are, EFF YOU!

damn pricks.

merry christmas poozers!

2008-12-25T13:26:00.003+08:00

thanks for the presents neo, tami/dawn!
thanks for the card lisa!

and hope everyone has a merry merry christmas!

except for those homosexual fanatics. they can just gnd.

/edit

Devildrake: www.meatspin.com
-About 3 minutes later-
Yodo: Woot 1000 spins
Yodo: This game needs highscore table and ingame chat
Devildrake: Dude wtf, it's a shock site, not a game...
Yodo: Oh...

arrest me, i don't give a shit.

2008-12-21T16:38:00.003+08:00

talk about the spirit of giving. some people really don't deserve to live:

http://www.straitstimes.com/Breaking%2BNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_310705.html

i think we as christians have already taken enough flak from these idiots when they mock our religion and make fun of our beliefs. reading all the attempts that people have made to disprove and ridicule my belief in God's word has already left me seething, but when they try to enforce their will and intimidate others who ultimately just want to do something good, that really pisses me off.

they even went and set up a facebook group! wow! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=46089253337

it's okay if gays want to laugh at conservative people like me and other christians, fine if you think we're backward. okay if you dig up all your scientific evidences to say that it's natural and you want to go on and create families without mothers the unnatural way.

but you don't kick up a fuss when neutrals are involved.

i could just kill these a.holes, punching above their weight this time really. kill every one of those damn self-centred sons of bitches. you wna be gay? fine. i believe it's wrong, so leave me the hell alone.

but i don't see any gay organisation volunteering to build schools for disadvantaged children?

or are they all too busy, trying to prove that their way of life is correct? are they really so insecure?

hope they have a messed up christmas.

/edit

match! tomorrow! nus!

had a biggggggggggg dinner >< damnit, no lunch for you tmr slau.

final progress report

2008-12-20T20:08:00.003+08:00

christmas shopping 100% completed! :D

now i have to get down to wrapping stuff :/

progress report 2

2008-12-19T23:18:00.000+08:00

christmas shopping 66.7% done

progress report

2008-12-18T19:39:00.000+08:00

christmas shopping 27.3% done

sing, sing a pore...

2008-12-10T11:28:00.003+08:00

i did manage to catch a few more hours of sleep in the end, thankfully. hope this kickstarts my glorious compaign to get myself back into the singapore time frame. anyway since i'm stuck at home with nothing much to do i guess i could blog a little about the trip despite the fact that NOBODY SEEMS TO BE COMING HERE ANYWAY!!?? come on, i just left it stagnant for less than two weeks!?

some lessons i learnt from the united states of america:

1. if you are fat, no problem!
seriously, the states is like a paradise for fat people. if i were to add a car tyre's worth of fat around my waist i'd still fit in perfectly i tell you. to give you an example, i actually managed to fit snugly into M-size shirts at two different places over there.

2. if you are american, you make small talk.
even up to the point when i was getting on the plane from san francisco back to singapore, i still had no idea how to reply whenever a complete stranger turned to me and went "How's it going?" really, it's a lot harder than you think.

3. in america, you watch advertisements.
how else can you explain the ho-hum 10-minute long string of commercials on almost every freaking channel i ended up falling asleep halfway through any show i watched!?

4. onions are spicy.
YES i didn't know that.

i think i need some time to rephrase the rest of it. you didn't think i'd only have this to say about the US did you?

ang moh paradise

2008-12-07T13:54:00.002+08:00

express post from the land of the free and the home of the brave:

i officially cannot wait to get back to singapore.

one more day! :D

living the american dream, 29th nov - 9th dec

2008-11-28T18:56:00.003+08:00

HAHA yes yes jiacong very observant but i assure you it is just a coincidence and i do not in any way resemble a male chauvinistic boar :D

SO! i'm flying off at 9:30am tomorrow! :D gotta be at the airport at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow SO EXCITED despite whatever i blogged about earlier xD although i won't have people like lisa around on my trip to stop me from over eating in the states ): i'm so relieved that i managed to resist the temptations of the mega mcspicy today...can't believe i haven't had one yet though ><

but i'm sure i'm gonna miss everyone back here in singapore ): all my friends, and my simple life...especially the softballers - i'll try to fit as much good stuff as i can into my luggage back home i promise! :D

soon soon!

2008-11-27T20:39:00.002+08:00

vair cool eh this new blogskin :D nice and simple!

the amerikas

2008-11-26T23:05:00.002+08:00

as you should know (if you don't then TOO BAD!) i'm flying off to live the american dream from the 29th to the 9th! so get your damn shopping requests in asap bastards and biatches!

anyway, contrary to popular belief i am dreading the trip there for a number of reasons. in order to sustain the life of this blog i shall now tell you why for no reason is particular:

1) i am so going to gain a fag lot of weight.

i've kinda heard enough about how the food in the states is damn good. and that they serve it in DAMN BIG PORTIONS. together that spells WEIGHT GAIN to me damn clearly in capital letters. and that can't be good, especially with my weight loss contest still going on!

2) the tour group might suck big time.

just like last year, when i went to europe. gawd in heaven how can i be so unlucky to end up with a buncha losers without a single person in my age group besides my sisters? i seriously think that was the luck of the draw but lightning can definitely strike twice and i may end up with a damn fugged up tour group. AGAIN!

sheesh man last year we had to deal with bickering couples and families and a hell lot of crying kids. i tell you if that's the case again this year i won't hesitate to lose my top and shout FUCK YOU SHUDDUP! at some people. seriously.

3) a hostile environment.

i'm not being racist or anything, but i'm damn well sure that ang mohs are alot more capable of violence than the people you meet in singapore. the gun law is just one indication. i am seriously damn freaking scared of getting shot in the back by some crazed killer that got loose from some prison. like seriously. and do i even have to go to the terrorists!? gawd...

4) getting lost.

which is totally possible mind you. i mean, it's only (damn fricking big number) times bigger than singapore!? and i can STILL get lost here.

okay! i think that's enough for now. we'll just have to wait til the 9th to see if all this comes true. in the meantime, ANYONE WANNA TAKE MY PLACE!?

incoming

2008-11-21T19:50:00.002+08:00

wah today's training seriously an ego-booster: 3 for 3 with 2 HRs...not bad eh :D i quite happy with myself hehe at least it didn't take that long for me to get back into my stride. usually i spend a month finding my form even after stopping training for like one week. however my throw still sucks cock...can't even grip the ball properly during my transfer sometimes...

i just got challenged to a see-who-lose-5-kg-faster challenge! HAHA damn fun...greater impetus to lose weight man! latest update is a minus 9 progress meaning i've lost 9kg already and i guess results are showing :D i can do 2 pullups yay!

but i guess i've still got to try and lose as much weight as i can before we fly off...cos i'm probably going to stuff myself crazy in the us -.- as it is my parents are already thinking of eating heavy breakfasts and light lunches with a moderate dinner depending on what the tour group sponsors...so yeah, i've already allocated myself an approximate 2kg gain in weight when i get back so xD gotta try and lose as much in the remaining week!

and tuesday is the do or die day: the day i find out whether i got accepted for smu h3 game theory anot T_T damn scary cos it's really the one i'm gunning for and if i don't get it well...let's just say i won't really approach the rest of the h3 modules i applied for with the same kind of enthusiasm lar ):

singapore takes on malaysia

2008-11-18T23:50:00.002+08:00

hwow got nothing much else to do so i decided to come blog! i mean like seriously, i should just give up on mugging it's seriously damn fail i can't study any crap when i'm at home -.- and i've got so much stuff going on outside of school if i stay out any longer my mom will probably go into one of those month-long 'i don't trust you' moods. talk about pms...

anyway i just got new specs today! xDD they're really quite er...different from what i usually wear so :D surprise!

tmr rj'll be playing some team from ipoh, apparently the state champions or something...can't wait to see how this new team will do. got a really good feeling and i seriously can't wait to go all the way to the finals and blitz the other team in front of rj.

and yesterday was 4p dinner at seoul gardens! too bad we couldn't have everyone there, or everyone for the dinner either, but i think a fairly large enough crowd turned up for us to still have fun at least!

about 9 of us met first to go to the arcade at like 530pm and i spent all in all about 7 bucks in there trying to kick jorel's ass at the marvel capcom dunno what tag team shit game. seriously, since when did button mashing ever become so difficult!? and i para para-ed too! :D freaking long since i last played that...and i managed to maintain 100% til the end of the song! not bad eh...got some hidden talent in there somewhere...

then we went for dinner at like 630...it started off quite mildly at first, and overall it didn't really go into any full scale chaos like we're so used to, but we were the only ones going FUCK and swearing in the entire place and making a shit load of noise while all the other people were having their meal xDD

stuffed myself freaking full and im damn glad i skipped lunch for this T_T

in the end we cooked watermelon, orange, jelly...though we didn't really mix any food with each other and kevin ate burnt shit from under the stove -.- wtf...

then we went back to the arcade at like 9pm and i spent another 10 bucks playing the stupid game! wtf!!!

damn

2008-11-16T22:34:00.002+08:00

She is the best girl
More precious than any pearl
She don't need money
She needs a guy that's funny

AND I AM FUNNY!!!

/edit

haha okay fine, i'm sorry to those people who came to read this and became slightly traumatised and were thinking wtf is wrong with slau!?

anyway tmr is 4p'07 dinner! :D can't wait whoopeeeee

gonna pon lunch for the buffet!

and i'm flying off to motherland american from the 29th to the 9th so drop me a list of anything you want anytime before that! whether i bring them back is up to my discretion of course. if you're trying to steal a girl i fancy then obviously you can just FUCK OFF!

but i'll try my best to get stuff for the rest obviously :D

no. 171

2008-11-15T13:58:00.002+08:00

yesterday concluded the last training for the week and by fuck has it been a tiring week, seriously. but i'm damn happy that at last training's gotten back on track and yesterday was quite productive actually. two rounds of machine batting for the first time in a damn long while, and actually it was on the whole pretty damn efficient. had three pitchers for the first time in er. more than a year, and when brian (finally) gets back it's going to be 4! then ri will have nothing over us for once mwahahaha.

oh wait. there's still their budget. owell...

anyway training has been fugging tiring but i'm not complaining! it's just been so tiring that i was renderred bedridden on tuesday and thursday. seriously. waking up finding my body so fugging stiff that i wasn't in any condition to gym or run. but that's a good sign no? let me slack off awhile hehehe...

anywaez i hope that monday's session will be a good one. prep for wednesday's face-off against the ipoh state champions! phwar! let's kick some ass! i hope they bring food :D

and after monday's training will be 4p dinner! can't wait for that, even though i didn't put it in caps. can't wait to dump some guy's face in the cooking pot and steam it then throw it away and get blamed for wasting good food. er. i mean, bad food.

reflection

2008-11-09T18:49:00.003+08:00

SAMIR NASRI IS A GOD!

but i'm sure enough people know about how arsenal TOTALLY KICKED UNITED BUTT at the emirates last night (singapore time) so i won't need to emphasize how crucial the win was to our confidence anyway.

actually, after some stupid article by some smart-mouth woman in the new paper today, i think i shouldn't say 'we' anymore cos she might just come here and write something about me assuming that i had some part to play in arsenal's win yesterday. like seriously, i can't even be bothered to go check up her name now but she's some retarded ang moh piece of shit that week after week manages to get a column in the newspaper spouting rubbish. and idiots like my mom continue to buy such a lousy newspaper that serves no part in making anyone more or less intellectual. seriously, if they dedicate pages to crap like whatever she writes, i bet most of them probably have an IQ that's about the same as their age anyway.

arsenal does and always will kick ass.

/edit

OKAY i think ENOUGH PEOPLE have read the stuff that was here previously so i'm being a wuss and taking it down :D

CHEERS!

you live on avenue q

2008-11-04T23:30:00.003+08:00

hm i was gna blog about a future job prospect of mine i was thinking about, but today was such a rocking day that i just had to put that thought aside and blog about today instead! i hope no one falls asleep reading it cos i'd be really heartbroken if that happened ):

well today was the big day! as in, AVENUE Q! and we started off really great when nat totally called the rest of the guys to meet TOO FRICKING EARLY! we met at like 5 when the concert was only gna start at 8 so we spent three hours mucking around walking to far eat and getting traumatised by the posers there and punching nat a hell lot of times cos of his idiocy xDD

walking around would have been pretty boring but then at city link something damn exciting happened! i was sitting outside the toilte waiting for ben nat and shahan to change when i suddenly saw this guy and his girlfriend walk out followed by this old guy and the younger guy was telling him to "shut the f*** up!"

so being the curious person that i naturally am i rushed inside to find out what happened, obviously after they had left the scene. and ben told me that apparently the older guy was looking at the younger guy the entire time he was in the toilet. as in, while he was doing his little pee peeing thing, then while he was washing his hands...and basically tailing him in what he thought was a very discreet manner. well obviously not discreet enough xDD cos when they were at the sink the guy suddenly started shouting and what turned out to be the old cheekopek xDD thus leading to whatever it led to in the end!

HAHA wtf man!?

then in the end the rest of the wait turned out to be quite traumatising cos when ben went to ask if there was any dress code while we were waiting for leoson the guy at the entrance told him that it was 'gala' which effectively ruled out everyone except nat, and obviously me cos i was wearing a tshirt and er. berms -.- so obviously i was damn freaking scared?

and leoson just made me piss my pants even worse cos he only reached the esplanade at 745 when the concert was gna start at 8! and while we were rushing back we actually heard the 'concert starting in ten minutes' thing and that is neeeeeeeever a good sign.

so yeah, a pretty heart attacking start to the musical.

but the musical itself was damn good and Carla Guevara-Laforteza is DAMN HOT! omg she was like shaking her ass while playing lucy the slut and wtf! i can't really express it in words xD and i just friend requested her on facebook omg i hope she comes back from the esplanade and adds me PLSPLSPLS!

but the whole cast is damn fricking imba and as brian from the musical says i gta tell everyone about it even random people in the streets GO WATCH AVENUE Q COS THEY'RE GONNA BE HERE TIL NOV 16 YOU PEEPS!

oh but there was this asshole spoilsport piece of f***ass crap that was sitting in front of me and leoson, who turned around TWICE to shush us when we were about to do singalong.

like EXCUSE ME ASSHOLE if you can't even enjoy a musical like this and you want to be all cultured and what f*** (he was wearing a suit like wtf?) go and walk through some f***ing art museum or some shit. damn pissing.

but after that it was pretty okay.

and er. i guess avenue q was damn fun!

:D

go watch it!

1st day of hols

2008-11-03T15:53:00.002+08:00

today being the first day of the j1 holidays i feel obliged to post! :D

i think i've become some wuss T_T and i guess merrill's right my new eating er...diet is kind of taking a toll on me in a negative way as well. let's just say i had a bit of problems in the gym today...still waiting for the aching to start though.

well that was the morning over and done with, and since then i've been stuck at home er...watching reruns of old shows. i never knew santino rice from project runway 2 was such an asshole! if i were him i'd just er. kill myself.

which reminds me of someone who pissed me off pretty bad recently. and though she may think it's kinda settled this matter's far from at rest. if she wants to get her butt kicked then it wouldn't be too hard since it's already kinda big to start with.

it's not that i'm a very temperamental person, but i just couldn't stand all the crap that she was giving me in the end. and i guess i was already trying to be a nice guy around her so take two and two together and i just lost my patience. damn bitch.

anyway i hope my holidays won't have me stuck at home every day doing lame stuff -.- so er. anybody who needs stuff to do and actually comes here to read pls look me up? :D

update

2008-11-01T00:42:00.003+08:00

intense to moderate weight loss programme has seen a drop in weight by 7kg.
have had people saying they notice i've become smaller.
even experienced how it's like to be mistaken for someone else because of my apparent size difference.
as a result, it seems my arms have also shrunk.
while that may be good, it is not exactly advisable or appropriate for someone in my line of work.
that is, stopping people from scoring runs by either tagging them out at home or er. bludgeoning them over with my body.
whose mass has shrunk recently as previously elucidated.
am therefore now on a moderate weight loss programme and moderate to hopefully hardcore strengthening regime. please pray for me.
also noticed my wrist can naturally dislocate itself. PHWOAR!
to 7 pullups!

death by moshing

2008-10-26T16:47:00.002+08:00

haha so the promo results day came and went and i am damn happy to still be alive, by a long shot. i really would like to thank God for blessing me with such unexpected results, and for bringing tears of joy instead of sorrow. really really very blessed to have such a merciful Heavenly Father in spite of all the rubbish ways i continue living my life in, He still has not forsaken me (:

to all those who may not be as satisfied, work harder! there's always something we can improve on.

on another hand i sincerely hope my dad can get out of his bloody bed to actually listen to my h3 options -.-

anyway there's this expression about how your life sometimes flashes before your eyes when you're having a near-death experience. well that time actually came for me first-hand on friday when i went for the damn avenged sevenfold concert at the max pavillion.

it actually started out quite okay, bumped into weixiang and kang rui at the expo mrt so i at least had some company (and guides) to the concert venue. then unlike what i'd thought i didnt have much problems finding kuoying either and finally nobody beat us up for cutting queue. anyway it was just the three of us so no big deal right.

was playing cards to occupy myself and chatting and meeting new people (or person actualy) for about an hour when at 1730 this damn big group of idiots rushed from the back of the queue to the front and everyone was like wtf?? and so those at the front stood up to move up so that they wouldn't get their queue cut. and in the end everyone ended up like bloody squashed sardins and i was getting a little pissed off. and like every 15 minutes or so we'd just keep moving a little bit forward each time and getting more and more cramped and more and more pissed off.

which seemed to rub off on some people more so than others. there were actually people fighting la omg?? like apparently cos someone threw something at someone and these two guys just suddenly broke out of the queue and started punching each other and everyone was watching and cheering? which wasn't such a bad thing really cos it gave us the chance to slip by them and further up the queue hehehe.

actually the fight could be broken into two parts: the first time the two guys got restrained, but the second time the freaking police came. what's up with people la seriously. no bloody common sense. and in the end after some talking they hugged and made up and everyone cheered like they finally realised that american wasnt going to come and drop a damn atom bomb on us anymore even though we're a tiny island full of shit people who like to fight for no reason.

yeah but the next erm two hours in the queue was really damn idiotic. it was really cramped and sweaty and smelly and there were even people smoking wth? like i said, no common sense. and there was this period of time where i was standing in front of this short malay guy and lets just say in that time i managed to find out what hair wax tastes like. NOT GOOD! even weixiang got pissed luh but lucky we weren't idiotic enough to start anything.

then there was the usual crowd singing and shouting random stuff like "peep x 9....BUTOH!" but wdv lar i still felt damn pissed off. wth man there were even girls pushing and shoving around??? as if they seriously wanted to get their butts kicked or something. actually even kuoying was kinda guilty of that LOL! and the worst part of the entire thing happened when we were just about to get in. there was this fat ass shit munjen who was trying to push his i dunno, 200kg fat ass bulk around and weixiang and i tanked him for like 5 freaking minutes before we were able to get inside and enjoy some bloody aircon.

from the moment we got in til the concert actually started was kinda uneventful...we didnt lose anybody and the late comers actually managed to find and squeeze their way in...even daryl chen and partheban who came at like...7? but there were these two idiotic guys with their fk ugly wives who were trying to push around when they were obviously er. not big around. and one of the guys even tapped chris on the shoulder and asked him to stop pushing cos his wife was pregnant. PREGNANT!? WTF!? like i said...common sense. and the worst thing was that whenever i turned around naturally one of the stupid women would flash her double piercings at me. fking disgusting omg i just wanted to grab her face and twist it 180 degrees. but i am damn peace loving even in such a bloody hostile environment.

and when the concert started it just got worse cos a shit ass local band came out to do the opening. and it was damn anti-climatic cos when the lights dimmed we thought the real deal was gonna show but noooo...instead we got half an hour of ultimate fail wannabe screaming and stoning on stage and there were people shouting "fk off" and "go home" all around me. but of course i didnt say anything. im such an angel anyway.

and when they finally got off it was about. 45 minutes? before a7x actually came out. 45 minutes of hearing the bloody tracks loop themselves dunno how many umpteen times and i was srsly damn pissed by that because inside was just as cramped as outside and there were people who actually got turned on by the opening band and were starting to push and shove around. by that time even we were starting to throw our own weight around and we were able to at least stay on our feet. and all the while chris was going "it's okay when the band comes out it'll all be worth it".

well chris i'd have you know IT FUCKING WAS NOT! cos when a7x made their entrance everyone went rabid and starting pushing and shoving even more and i doubt anyone was actually listening to any of the songs. soon i got separated from the rest of the group and had gotten shoved from stage right to somewhere in the centre. then suddenly this guy beside me fell down and when he got up he started punching random people around him! like wtf!? there were actually people fighting in the moshpit?? that was the bloody last straw and i slowly made my way out and stood far far away to watch the band. still pretty okay i guess, at least my view wasn't blocked or anything but obviously i wasnt able to take any photos. but i guess neither could the people in the moshpit since they'd probably be getting pushed around too much to even hold their cameras steady.

and i didnt even mention the waving of lighters and the asshole smoking in the concert venue itself. seriously retards.

but on another note the band was srsly damn good...freaking awesome. no other words to describe it i guess.

but i dont think i'd be going back for any of this shit anytime soon -.-

and if i do im only going right before the concert starts and staying out of the moshpit.

the end is nigh

2008-10-18T20:54:00.002+08:00

yes, you read that right. in about a day or so the promo results will be out and there'll be laughing, crying, but a lot more crying than laughing i'm sure. and i hope i won't be one of those crying.

i can only hope for the best i guess. and so will a lot of people. i'm quite sure i tried a lot harder for these exams than i did for the common tests, and i'm quite satisfied with the effort i put in though i kinda burnt out near the end and i'm not so sure i was as thorough as i would have liked with some subjects but on the whole i'm pretty contented.

but i hope, sincerely, that i will be prepared for whatever happens on monday.

and i wish others all the best as well. hopefully there will be many many satisfied hearts and minds come monday.

tissue paper, rope, penknife, flamethrower...

my bag's gonna be pretty heavy on monday haha.

to think i wanted to apply for h3s as well!

anw the days between end of promos and now have been pretty fun as well, full of soccer and abit of eating as well despite my valiant attempts to lose weight. i won't say whether they have been effective or not though.

owell. here's to monday.

slau's 24

2008-09-29T13:10:00.004+08:00

promos are over!

and wtf i'm staying at home -.-

cb srsly nothing to do T_T so ya if anybody needs somebody to do anything pls pls slau is v v v free! :D

anyway i've been watching madtv like. mad! HAHA

chomper says "Madtv is. Mad!"

FUCK!

2008-09-25T21:41:00.003+08:00

FUCK!

FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!FUCK!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ONE MORE PAPER!

chomper says "I HATE PHYSICS!"

shine mistuh brightside

2008-09-19T22:36:00.004+08:00

haha wth today was damn fun, was singing mr brightside in the raffles room with the rest of the guys until the people in the next room could hear us xDD

fuck! mugging in school is damn fun!

chomper says "I kick promos' face!"

a gentle reminder of the many things i have to do after promos.

2008-09-19T22:36:00.003+08:00

immediately after the physics paper on friday:
burn the ISH.
burn the field outside the ISH.
turn over some tables before burning the ISH.

a few minutes after the physics paper on friday:

play fuck soccer!

a few hours after the physics paper on friday:

sleep like mad.
play fuck tennis!

the next day after the physics paper on friday:

play fuck soccer!
play fuck tennis!
call tess and ask her if she wants to do anything on saturday/sunday.
laugh at tess as she loses her head.

the next few days after the physics paper on friday:

land before time marathon!
and other stuff.

shit i cannot wait for promos to end -.-

chomper says "I kick promos' face!"

8 days, and a bit more, or a bit less, for some.

2008-09-18T21:26:00.002+08:00

8 DAYS TO FREEDOM

8 DAYS TO SOCCER

8 DAYS TO LAND BEFORE TIME MARATHON

8 DAYS TO BURNING THE ISH DOWN

8 DAYS TO DROPPING DEAD WITH HAPPINESS

8 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chomper says "I kick promos' face!"

the next few weeks in numbers

2008-09-15T01:16:00.005+08:00

ONE more week to promos!
TWO more weeks to ultimate fuck freedom!
THREE hours (about) per day of silent torture!
FOUR bleeding HTWO papers!
FIVE bloody subjects!
SIX minus ONE is FIVE!
SEVEN times TWO is FOURTEEN which is TWO big a number for this series but notably is equivalent to TWO weeks if units used is in days!
EIGHT uh...okay nevermind.

THE END IS NIGH!

RUN FOR COVER!

chomper says "I kick promos' face!"

hi again

2008-09-11T20:09:00.004+08:00

i hope the people that actually read the previous post know me well enough to know that obviously that wasn't really me talking there.

things have just been really quite crappy these few days, and on top of studying for promos it hasn't exactly made my current situation very promising. i mean, as if there hasn't been enough on my mind already? other people can afford to focus completely on trying to get good grades for this year-end exam but here i am spending my time uselessly wondering about what could have been and what went wrong about anything else other than my studies.

it's not as if i want to let this distract me, it's just that i've unwittingly let it become such a big part of my life that anything i perceive that is wrong really puts a very heavy toll on my mind. and it's so important to me that...owell, i guess it's become really hard to let go.

there have been people that encourage me to just move on, but deep inside i'm not ready to give up on this, because deep inside, in spite of whatever has happened as a result of it, and whatever will probably happen because of this thing, i still believe that it's the right thing to do. it's worth going after, and definitely worth all the time i have devoted to it, even if others don't think so.

i'm not saying anyone should try to appreciate what i've done towards this cause because it's a personal one, and no one else should make it their business. however i'm very grateful for all the friends that have stood by me and really lent a very supportive shoulder for me to lean on, in spite of the fact that i may have failed to return the favour on many other occasions. to people like merrill woosheng seetow benji daryl zhihao tami wenda christian nic and others whom i may have left out, i think i'd most likely be nothing more than a mindless wreck locked up in some psycho ward if i didn't have people like you around to talk to about whatever's on my mind.

to be honest, i really think i've been treated like crap, and i still have no idea why i persist really. like a friend said, you either accept it, or move on. and since i can't exactly bring myself to do the latter at this point in time, i've really got no other choice than to just bear with the current situation.

you think you'd know a person really, especially after more than a few months and possibly even a year or so. but obviously people change, and i guess i can't possibly agree with everything that someone else does.

okay this might sound like something quite incomplete at the moment but i really have no idea how to continue. maybe another day then.

/edit

okay i changed my mind.

FUCK YOU BITCH!

the origin of lies

2008-09-10T21:43:00.002+08:00

HI PEOPLE! :D

well since the promos are coming up in like. a few days (gasp!) i suppose the few reasons peope could still actually have the time to come visit this site is because

1) you think this blog is very cool.
2) you're not cool enough to visit other cool blogs, so you come to this uncool blog to have a laugh. or a cry.
3) you can really emphatise with an uncool guy like me because you're uncool too.
4) you just have some free time away from studies.

not much point in talking about promos since they're so BLAH anyway. just wait a few more days to savour it in its full glory.

okie dokie so recently i've been thinking see, why would people ever want to lie to someone else? i mean, what's the point? even if you hate the person to his or her guts, there isn't really any good that you can get from lying.

or maybe it's just cos i'm not cool enough to see it from cool people's point of view.

i mean, since i'm so uncool and all, i only can think of it from my innocent, gullible perspective and wonder. just wonder: what is it about cool people that makes the lie all the time oO

and then i think to myself, if i were a cool person (which would never happen in this lifetime), would i like to be stuck with an uncool person (like myself)? ignoring the possible paradoxes and oxymorons and other complicated literary terminology that cool people employ all the time, i actually think uncool people would be quite a threat to my rep if i were to be seen with them!

so ya...it's quite easy to imagine why cool people would lie, especially to uncool people. say i'm at location A. and i wouldn't want this uncool guy to be anywhere near A, so obviously i tell him or her i'm gonna be at location B instead, so that he or she will naturally (being the uncool person that he or she is) think that i'm telling the truth, since i'm so much more cool than him that he or she would be unable to fathom my possible intentions and immediately believe whatever i tell them.

but this is a matter of context as well: i don't really get why cool people, no matter how cool they might be, would want to lie to an uncool person who really looks up to and just wants to make that cool person happy.

but i guess that's the way cool people function lar. if it's not cool, it's not good. yo.

just got to accept it lar. cool people, are just too cool sometimes. so if they lie to you, it's probably cos you're just not cool enough for them.

sad, innit?

term 4

2008-09-08T00:23:00.002+08:00

the start of term 4 just came and went 24 minutes ago.

meaning the promos are coming. soon ):

i hope i'm well prepared enough. hope. and pray.

God give me the strength to be oblivious to anything else that should not be a priority right now. no matter how much i may want it to be.

i'll think about it after promos.

ups and downs

2008-09-06T15:56:00.002+08:00

aiyah freak promos coming already! zomggg T_T

spent the sept hols er. going back to school. to study >< haha yeah what kind of holidays are those? sucked luh really.

but soccer was king haha, kinda got addicted after playing about two hours? half of which was in the rain on tuesday. then went mad and played again on thursday morning. but after that i wasn't really in the mood to study after that, and ended up playing amphi soccer at like 4 again. ahaha so unproductive ><

and something damn funny happened...i was running and kinda slammed the ball into the dustbin, and it fell over and made this damn loud sound. like falling dustbins should. and i was like yea yea yea! cos i was obviously damn happy. knocking dustbins over make me damn happy i'm serious.

and just at that moment the principal has to go and walk past. with a host of foreign visitors behind her. and she raised her hand to me. does that mean er. hi? or...stop making that abysmal noise you! i think it was more of the latter :/ poor me...

haha and yesterday was seriously the most mood-swingy day of my life. after my dental appointment things just went up up and up somemore from there and i was seriously on cloud nine and probably ten if there ever was such a saying as being on cloud ten. definitely the happiest few hours in a long long time.

then after that my leg had to go and cramp up during soccer. got damn pissed off cos alot of people showed. too many people. haha but was really quite reminiscent of ri so i wasn't complaining. but some people are seriously asking for it sometimes and yea...people get driven to take action on certain occasions but lucky for me it wasn't yesterday.

then i had to come back and start thinking. honestly i think thinking should be banned luh it makes you very sad. i was thinking about stuff like...whether whatever i'm doing now is worth it. for her, for myself, and whether i'll just be disappointed by everything once this whole episode concludes.

and if i am. how bad will it be? i'm already not really looking forward to the hols cos so many people will be away doing cool stuff like oteam and maybe isle while i'll be like, stuck doing. nothing. except training lar of course. but ya you get my point ):

i'll seriously be damn sad. and i'll miss a lot of people.

and i'm supposed to pop the question after promos somemore. dang.

i must learn to treasure every second with her, because obviously after yesterday things can make an about-turn at like. the speed of thought.

which is very fast indeed.

wtshit

2008-08-22T20:13:00.001+08:00

i just received two songs in the past week that have already made me cry )':

tough guys

2008-08-17T18:43:00.002+08:00

wah shit haven't posted in ages oO

alot of shit has happened since the last post, but what's new?

anyway, read this from somewhere...can't remember exactly where but it's somewhere and i remembered it:

i loved my father very much.

some people might tell ya real tough guys don't say things like that.

well, those people don't know what the #$%^ they're talkin' about.

real tough guys are emotional. that's what makes 'em tough guys in the first place.

they ain't afraid to show their emotions 'cause they don't give a crap what you think about 'em.

my father used to say that all the time.

like i said, i loved my father very much. and when he died, i bawled like a little girl.

i ain't afraid to admit that, either.

hmm...a very interesting perspective, no?

my methamorphosis

2008-08-04T23:47:00.004+08:00

a friend recently asked why i had suddenly become so studious (fk now i can't even spell properly) and intellectual all of a sudden. have i, really? would i honestly be blogging at this point in time if i had actually become some studious, smart-ass freak who gets on dean's lists like how jiayuan totally owned the corner during 4 x 100 today. shit man all of us should go find out how to run as fast as him. as if the mt relay team wasn't already fast enough, by the time he passed the baton on to the anchor runner there was already like a 40m lead on the next runner.

not to say that siddiq's win wasn't any less impressive; heck he was trotting the last ten metres luh. this is total ownage. and bw is currently getting pwned at tnf -.- a pity i didn't get to throw, though i don't think i would've made much of a difference. haha maybe next year...

ya anyway back to me being supposedly 'studious and intellectual'. i guess i haven't actually went and mugger for a chem mock spa before, or a physics mock spa, like what i'm doing now. but on the other hand i haven't gone and looked through notes from all the way back til january. and i'm crossing my fingers that log values don't come out. and anyway i'm still telling myself that 'it's okay, it's only a mock spa'. lol. the old slau still thrives within me, there's no getting rid of that ever i guess. but maybe his priorities have just changed. maybe other things in life actually matter to him now instead of like, looking cool and everything?

maybe the old slau has finally realised how ugly some people can look on the outside; when they used to be oh-so-pretty just a few weeks ago. it's possible that he's started to question his ideals, and think about where his future really lies. whether short-term benefits really outweigh the importance of those in the long-run.

or could it be that his definition of self-worth has taken on a whole new meaning? maybe this is just a facade, and once the circumstances change, slau will be back to his same, old superficial self. cheater. slacker. idiot.

in my humble opinion and defence, i would like to say that maybe it's a combination of all these factors. on hindsight i have achieved almost everything that i would have liked to have, although some of it could have occured a little earlier, i still attained it in the end. so maybe now i don't really have anything to wish for, ardently.

but that can't be, as econs has thoroughly explained to us. man's needs are infinite, and as the level of technology and amount of resources increase, so do his needs. and i don't think mine have stagnated, just that maybe the afore-mentioned two factors are related more to another product (studies) instead of another, resulting in a skewed ppc, causing me to be more productive in a different sector of my life now than it was before. see econs is really applicable to daily life. i'm sorry if any of you didn't get that.

but anyway, if my friend were to ask me that again, i'd just have to reply her. or him. with something simple, such as: i can't really be sure, but is it a good change for you? in the end, i just really would like to be someone who makes the best out of what i have, and create as many positive externalities as i can, and try my best to prevent market failure though i know this will never be possible in a free market economy. sad but, as least i can try to salvage the situation.

and if she. or he. isn't happy then well, it's just one opinion. such a small sample size would be unable to reflect the actual opinion of everyone involved, as is the case with market data related to elasticity concepts. and because these pieces of information keep changing they have to be constantly updated, and i have to keep asking people whether they think i'm doing the right thing.

but does that mean it never comes down to what i want? not really, i have my own agendas, and they're probably up to you to find out. but i'm not as stupid to continue on with them if i find out they aren't working of course. circumstances change, situational requirements change, and so must i change with them. i guess this is what makes life so interesting, and painful at the same time. the unexpectedness just catches you off guard and when you once thought that things were going ever so smoothly...they just turn on their head at the worst possible moment, knock you out of your comfort zone.

i'm actually quite irritated by all this brooding. dang but whatever.

batman

2008-07-27T21:29:00.000+08:00

whoa...the dark knight was crazy scary. almost jumped out of my seat when the fake batman crashed into the police guy's window oO

in a bid to make this blog more interesting

2008-07-25T00:00:00.003+08:00

but by no means more controversial, i have decided to talk more about my daily life rather than make cryptic comments all the time that nobody would understand oO

i have to admit i haven't been studying much these past few days...HA! already lagging on physics w.r.t. to oscillations and simple harmonic motions bla and econs is like whoa...totally lost haha but i'm sure i'll make up for it! by the time the lecture test comes around i hope...

this can be attributed partly to my new pasttime of playing table tennis in the hodge lodge! :D it's really quite fun and you can't really get owned by the pros (as i showed against zhengxuan today. hail me.) because the table dimensions are alot different so if you try to play normally...hehehe. anyway i lost to zheng by 4 points! that's not alot! i am the best! mwahaha.

yesterday...and by yesterday i mean wednesday...was interhouse soccer and walao i really screwed up like mad. haven't touched a soccer ball in like ages but as i said earlier i still got asked to play ihc soccer. and in the end i got totally owned >< even though we thought we'd make it through unforseen circumstances forced us to go all out to win our last group game in order to confirm our progress but in the end we could only lose ): thx to me sigh...but okay at least bw's still first! :D and bb seems to have continued the buckley trend in ri by dropping all the way down down down to last place hehehe...

too bad i don't have the luxury of time to extrapolate and plot a trend of BB finishes compared to the four years i had in ri. at least then it was obvious after two years that buckley was gna be finishing last four years in a row! HAHAHA!!!

in addition to that things have been quite highly charged in class these days. i am damn sick and tired of some people and i am dying to get my hands dirty. though i admit i may not be as smart and possible not as strong as certain people i don't think i'd hesitate in getting into any fight with them right now, especially if they throw the first punch. i guess i've watched enough of MMA and UFC to possibly know the basics to taking out an opponent AND making him leak til he's dry and getting a tapout in 36 seconds. hehe.

and i have my own golden army to help me now. 1x 17 hxxxcore guys and growing! watch out poseurs!

and my 30 ounce best friend of steel whom i know will always be by my side on every monday wednesday and friday of the week. and maybe tuesdays and thursdays too if i decide to train after school.

'tis time to get down and dirty!

but i guess some people are just asking for it. i mean if you would just be normal and stay under the radar. like me. nobody would get into any unnecessary trouble. but this unnecessary trouble only comes up when you piss off people who will give you a hell lot of shit because of that. like throwing a paper ball at them. really very irritating. and i hate it when people throw paper balls at me. and at my friends. and disturb me. and disturb my friends. and pose. and act cool. and think they damn hansum. and think they damn rich. and think they damn smart. and think they're above the law. and think they can do anything they like. and think everybody has to like them. and think they can do anything they like.

these people

must die.

painfully.

and i always will be there to make sure they do.

along with my golden army of 1x 17 hxxxcore guys and growing.

in addition i'd like to comment on how 6 months can really bring about a very large change in the way people think and act and i can vouch for that myself! i think my perception of alot of people in rj has changed if not 180 degrees then at least 75 from the first day of school til now and i've had quite a tough time adapting but i think i've sort of come out on top? haha :/ i really appreciate all my friends lar i'm a very 'i need friends' sort of guy otherwise i get all sad and stuff.

and cryptic.

dang i'm getting cryptic.

dear god

2008-07-22T23:42:00.001+08:00

wahlao...this song made me cry T_T
please get it, and please listen to it.

Avenged Sevenfold
Dear God lyrics

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

There's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
and all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
when hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love purpose hard to find

Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
to hold her when I'm not around,
when I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
’Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

it's not very often when you come across a song that really speaks to you, and actually mirrors your situation almost perfectly? hell yeah it's emo but omg the coincidence really hit something...

hm...

2008-07-21T22:11:00.006+08:00

okay, what exactly have i gotten myself into by agreeing to 'keep for bw ihc soccer?? xD

/edit

anw check this

36 SECOND TAPOUT WTF!?

i am gonna learn, and i am gonna kick some ass. or beat the shit out of some ass. whichever.

my legitimacy in christ

2008-07-20T21:24:00.002+08:00

the thing about youth services is that sometimes the sermons may actually be constructed in a mannter that suits its audience better than what you would hear at the normal adult service. maybe it was by some divine coincidence that i was forced to go for the youth service yesterday because of various commitments but in the end i sat through an hour of preaching that has been the closest to my heart since er...who knows when.

it's always an honour to have a guest speaker in church and maybe this is why. YWAM is something that may not be a possible job application in the future but everyone can really learn a lot from these guys. the sacrifices they make for their God, and the ways that they are rewarded in turn really do a lot to encourage you to trust in something intangible and beyond comprehension.

not that i don't have faith in my own God, just maybe not as selfless as i would have liked, or what other people would have expected from someone who's been believing in the same God since he was 5 months old. at least that's what my mother tells me.

but the speaker brought up something about not trying to be like someone else, because God made you who you are, and if you you were to try and be like someone else, that'd just defeat the purpose for your creation. and ya, it would actually be quite sickening to meet someone one day who behaves in exactly the same way that you do! hm...this message on self-worth could never have been put across more simply.

all my life (well almost) i've been living by other people's standards (and admitting that i do) but i hope and pray that the day where i am able to decide what i want for myself and be satisfied with it will come soon.

on hindsight

2008-07-17T21:13:00.003+08:00

so now that i have calmed down sufficiently to stop cursing and swearing at the world and everything around me everytime i think about my studies it is time to reflect ON HINDSIGHT:

i really should have started studying for the exams right from day one instead of trying to satisfy my sense of self-worth. it's really inconsequential because of my fuck the world attitude i don't really need to please myself knowing that i am pleasing the people around me right oO

not that i don't want to la of course...it's always good to make people around you happy! ignorance is not always blissful.

ON HINDSIGHT
i really shouldn't have bought my psp. damn you make the links i'm damn pissed off with myself i don't even know which corner of the house it's gone to now T_T

ON HINDSIGHT
i like the gatorade advertisement they show in cinemas.

but alot of people don't apparently.

dammit.

ON HINDSIGHT
many people are not what they seem to be. it takes you like 6 months to actually find out? but most people can't afford tha kind of time because before you know it...you're royally screwed! :D

ON HINDSIGHT
sometimes i talk too much for my own good...argh.

ON HINDSIGHT
i laugh too much.

ON HINDSIGHT
it's a good feeling when people need to borrow your tutorial :D

ON HINDSIGHT
gymming is good because you have the ability to punch people's lights out.

ON HINDSIGHT
my softball is actually damn lousy.

ON HINDSIGHT
i am damn smelly!

ON HINDSIGHT
i am damn stupid.

ON HINDSIGHT
but smart at the same time.

ON HINDSIGHT
i hate loud music lei!!!!!

ON HINDSIGHT
the beatles are cool!

ON HINDSIGHT
this is getting long-winded.

IN CONCLUSION
i am kinda enjoying myself! :D

sway

2008-07-13T16:46:00.003+08:00

Say you'll stay, don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way, yeah I need to know
All about you

haha okay i have no idea why i put the lyrics there oO

but anyway ccal camp photos are up yayyy xD thanks olivia/stefan! :D

clueless

2008-07-09T00:06:00.002+08:00

i have no idea what the heck i have to do to make you see how much i care, how much i want to, how much it means to me. i believe it's worth fighting for, much like every other good thing in this world; and you are a blessing indeed.

i'm just so much at a loss right now, i have no idea what to do and everything just seems to hopeless right now.

dang i should be studying.

the heck do i care

2008-07-07T23:31:00.003+08:00

i just wish that for once in my life i could stop thinking about the things that guarantee me nothing more than crap and wasted time and money and tears. this is all so useless and i just wished i had seen it more clearly so so long ago.

i don't even care if she sees this i'm too bloody pissed off to even care what other people think. i'm really sorry to people like kevin who come here maybe trying to find something funny to read. all that stuff belongs to yougotpenged but i lost to will to blog content of that genre a long long time ago.

all my emotions have gone into aimless pursuits toward something or someone that probably could never be satisfied i guess. you could say this is probably some bitter attempt to console myself and i'd just tell you to fuck off. i don't need your approval, i never did. and i don't need to be impressed by what you did or who you know or what you think you're going to do because it doesn't even fuck matter to me now, does it?

it had to take the rudest of jolts to get me thinking again about why i do this and the answer is that i probably just need something to work towards and all i've wanted to do was to appease other people, the most recent of which was you but now maybe i should just be doing it for myself.

but i won't become just some selfish over-achieving bastard because other people don't need to deal with me that way. they don't deserve to. i don't know why i'm still so pissed and why i couldn't see all the people around who reached out a hand to help in my time of need. yet, i kept turning to you for solace and all due credit to you for whatever you have helped me with but thanks i think i've repaid it in full. and now that things have taken a turn for the worse...it just doesn't seem the same anymore.

i read somewhere that the problem with an eye for an eye, is that everyone ends up blind. i couldn't care less.

fuck life

2008-07-02T20:42:00.007+08:00

til now my blog has been relatively free of vulgarities but i feel this is time to give one big shout:

FUCK MUGGING FUCK RJ FUCK STUDIES FUCK LIFE

i don't know whether i should be spurred on to study harder for my promos and lecture/tutorial tests or whether this is a sign that all my studying will eventually end up to naught. i know i'm supposed to have faith when i pray and whatever but i really am going through a crisis right now. i have no idea how to tell my parents, and when to tell my parents about my totally fucked up results because they'd just fuck me up the ass (figuratively) for being lazy and not working hard and getting what i deserve and all that fuck mother shit that i really cannot stand anymore.

the seventh floor looked so tempting today. i haven't had to entertain these thoughts for a long time because of the great people around me providing all kinds of support and i'm really very thankful but there is a point where everything else will be inconsequential and my strength of will and determination will be the only factor determining whether i end my life a blood splat on the floor of a 50-storey high HDB block.

i don't really have much else to look forward to: math was a fuck, econs is really unpredictable and i don't think i did as well for my case study. i am still undecided about the status of my essay even though i had some solace from what the teacher went through today. and gp is well. i just don't have anymore confidence in myself.

and why not? i really feel that this was the hardest i've ever mugged so far in like the past five years and to get these kind of seriously fucked up results is really beyond me. i know others may say that they got worse and start cursing and swearing at me but it is the fact that i aimed so high that i fell so far and if they could only emphatise with the feeling of actually crashing so badly they would maybe be able to understand that sometimes getting a D may not be better than getting an S.

and i'm proving to be very much a failure in everything else too. i'm in no shape to play for combined schools after today's training. i am aching all over, and my plans to work more on fitness just went down the drain cos i couldn't even sit up properly without feeling pain in my stomach today.

i can't even find it in myself to go up and talk to someone that i so badly want to be with. there are just so many stupid thoughts running through my head and i actually think she does feel the way...i think she feels about me. so what the hell. if you're reading this i beg of you to have a little pity.

fuck everything and if you can't stand my ranting then don't come here as it is nobody wants to listen to me rant anyway.

i would do anything for love

2008-07-01T21:57:00.002+08:00

i've had the pleasure of listening to a gigantic bunch of frickin imba and nice songs lately. and besides the tune being great, the lyrics meaning a whole bunch to me and the desire that i have to be able to perform all of them the only other similarity between these songs is that they were probably written and produced before we were even born.

yes, welcome to the world of vintage rock. it's good to know that my parents actually had been able to listen to so many good bands and songs when they were our age (i hope) like thunder and bad company. in fact i think some of the bands that were around back then are even better than all the random notes and shit emo lyrics that the musicians of today produce aka MCR -.- the bane of my existence and boys like girls omg is that the pits i have no idea why anybody listens to that kinda crap. emo, wannabe and not even funny like the offspring or weezer -.-

anyway here's the lyrics for one of my favourites: i would do anything for love by meatloaf. try to youtube it if you can oO

And I would do anything for love, I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love, I'll never lie to you and that's a fact
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, I won't do that
Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, oh I won't do that

Some days it don't come easy, and some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire, and some nights you're carved in ice
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you

As long as the planets are turning, as long as the stars are burning
As long as your dreams are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for love, and I'll be there til the final act
I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact

But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way tonight
And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
Oh I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

I would do anything for love, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 3x)

(Solo)

Some days I pray for silence, and somedays I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock 'N Roll
Some nights I lose the feeling, and some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely and that's all I'm qualified to be
There's just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep

As long as the wheels are turning, as long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for love, and you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for love, and there'll never be no turning back

But I'll never do it better than I do it with you, so long, so long
And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no no no I won't do that

I would do anything for love, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 7x)

But I'll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life, no way

And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

[Girl:] Will you raise me up, will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

[Boy:] I can do that! I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build an emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

[Girl:] I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

Anything for love, oh I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

viva España!!

2008-06-29T15:00:00.006+08:00

miracle worker

my brothers in arms! and earners of betting moolah!

he who cometh and he who goeth

and for the one who cometh, he shall lineth by pocketeth with moneyeth

12 bucks to be exact :D

the good things in life

2008-06-28T23:39:00.002+08:00

aiyoh today was such a good day but i suddenly feel the need to take another look at things...peek under the surface, peel off the surface, tear through the skin of reality and think about what will be.

and what could have been.

so today was the first training with the combined schools team and it really puts a lot of things in perspective: the perceptions i had of other people, the stereotypes that i had formed and basically so many things were just turned on their head in that three hours of training.

which totally killed me too by the way. i am super duper unfit and my elbow is killing me i didn't get a single person out at two today and i was one for two at batting and i got on base cos of an error. and it's just one week til our first game in the men's league and it's a given that everybody wants to give a good account of themselves in probably the highest level of competition in singapore softball.

toss in the fact that this is something i've seriously wanted for the frickin longest time. i've been dreaming about donning the jersey, and playing with other school-going guys of the highest level on the same team. not to say that my own teammates from ri and rj aren't as good, but it's a whole new opportunity that i had yet to taste. not to mention the credentials that come with it.

the haphazard nature of this entry thus compels me to move temporarily over to the nature of these credentials and the materialism that is associated with it. yes generosity and selflessness may be virtues of great importance but there must also be a certain sense of realism to everything. how can someone senselessly pursue an ambition or a passion when it gives them nothing but an adrenaline rush? it wouldn't be practical as it won't be able to sustain them in the long run.

my sustenance is of utmost importance to me. and sometimes i have no choice but to put my survival ahead of things that others may feel should be more important. like my morals, and values. and the fact that i simply want to do something because i enjoy it.

and everybody knows what i'd be doing if i really wanted to do something i enjoyed.

definitely not studying.

everything can be perceived as a double-edged sword; not just knowledge, as 'flowers for algernon' may have taught us. should we go about life allowing the rest of the world to just step on our faces and take their place in a hierarchy which has limited capacity for big-headed, self-centred, power-hungry, tyrannical *censored* then we'll be nothing more than dust in the middle of whatever road in life we choose to take. then you just might end up mad. like sweeney todd.

okay fine so back to my day, after training i spent the rest of the day mucking around in school making an absolute nuisance of myself. lit week looks kinda fun and again i wondered what would have happened if i had chosen to take lit. and i look at what other people are doing for lit week and i know i'd have had a hell lot of fun.

at the expense of my grades.

i just wish sometimes school wasn't all about grades. i know i've been thinking about my ri days alot but i just can't help myself, especially now that i can finally get my mind off the books. it's actually quite good that peng is filling up http://yougotpenged.blogspot.com/ with all sorts of stupid retarded pieces of crap cos that's exactly what we were doing two years ago.

i can't help feeling nostalgic and today while watching some random jap serial about a teacher with a bunch of delinquents i couldn't help but draw parallels to my sec 3/4 class. duh people would say we were crazy and messed up but wth do they know? at least we have memories to keep, and our sec sch life won't just be some blank slate or a missing portion during the 13th to 16th years of our life. i'm just really happy that memories will be treasured and experiances can be shared.

damn i miss 4p...

and then i came home, and i watched lotr, and there was a line in the movie that went something like...

"there are still good things in life bla bla bla...and good things are always worth fighting for yada yada yada..."

and sometimes i think that i haven't really been fighting hard for the good things i want in life. it didn't help that after that i went to read some story about the blood of Jesus that saved me and started feeling all pathetic about my walk as a christian. i know the after life may not concern many at this point in time but i really want to go to heaven. and hopefully i'll see all my friends there too.

this has just been a series of random thoughts that all came together when i actually had the time to sit down and think about them. it's not often that i get the time to do this kinda stuff, so i think all of us should really treasure the time that we have. and i don't mind other people reading about it because i feel that stuff like this can maybe...i dunno, relate to others. it's not that i'm attention-seeking by being emotional, i've hardly ever been these days because they've been some of the better ones so far in rj.

and to end off, spending time with friends is really one of the best ways to live your life. and it's always great when you can get some of that love you show others back in return...

byebye moolah ):

2008-06-28T00:11:00.001+08:00

throw two more movies into the "slau wants to watch" melting pot:

hellboy II: the golden army

red cliff

and get smart was frickin awesome anne hathaway is so bloody hot!!!

they who curve bullet, is be assassin.

2008-06-26T20:09:00.002+08:00

omg...i just watched like, an english version of battle royale T_T

and paid $8.50 for it argh ><

'wanted' was seriously seriously below expectations...from the trailers i thought it was gonna be some damn cool action flick with a very intriguing storyline...and i even went to wiki the comic book synopsis to find out the gist of the story.

and when i read that it was censored and rated R in the US and 18 in the UK for language and violence throughout i was like YEAAA this is gonna be a damn good movie!!!

and it started off well too! there were lots of damn good animated scenes (i guess...no way can anyone actually fly across from building to building while smashing through glass in real life right? oO) and i was listening very intently to make sure i wouldn't miss out on any important part of the storyline.

but then it just degenerated into a big mess of random killings and blood and curved bullets and repeated 'violence' that didn't really serve the purpose of the story and lots of cussing that kinda got abit weird in the end cos it just seemed too excessive and in the end kuoying sipei and i were just :O at how the story concluded.

not dazzled and amazed mind you, more like appalled and shocked into disbelief at how a story with so much potential (or so we thought) could have turned out quite so...messed up -.-

i was kinda expecting more to the 'fraternity' than just curving bullets and slowing down time (ok sorry for all the spoilers but i mean you can go watch it at your own risk) and by the time the main character killed the supposed antagonist who turned out to be his father i had totally figured out what the rest of the story was going to be like. oh and probably the 30 minutes worth of stuff before that too.

yes, it was that predictable.

and this time, angelina jolie couldn't do enough to salvage it.

yes, even though there was a nude shot of her.

so in the end everyone like just ended up dead? like battle royale. with an actual storyline that got distorted to omg-ness.

i am so so disappointed.

but i guess there're alot of other movies to make up for it! hopefully they won't be as...bad T_T

oh and if you didn't already know...

I'M DONE WITH CT-S MWAHAHAHA IN YOUR FACE I AM STILL ALIVE TAKE THAT!

baseball and football

2008-06-24T18:17:00.001+08:00

thought this was q funny :p just something to relieve everyone of exam stress maybe xDD physics can go fark itself in the meantime -.-

Comedy great George Carlin died Sunday of heart failure at the age of 71. This is a reprint of his classic bit "The Difference Between Baseball and Football." Excerpted from Brain Droppings by George Carlin, Copyright 1997, Comedy Concepts Inc. Published by Hyperion. All rights reserved.

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.

Also: in football, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.

In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform, you'd know the reason for this custom.

Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.

I enjoy comparing baseball and football:

Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.

Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park. The baseball park!

Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.

Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

In football you wear a helmet.

In baseball you wear a cap.

Football is concerned with downs — what down is it?

Baseball is concerned with ups — who's up?

In football you receive a penalty.

In baseball you make an error.

In football the specialist comes in to kick.

In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.

Baseball has the sacrifice.

Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...

In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.

Football has the two minute warning.

Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end — might have extra innings.

Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.

In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.

In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! — I hope I'll be safe at home!

well toodles...gotta go mug math now T_T

what to do after ct-s

2008-06-21T21:28:00.005+08:00

so, with the common tests coming up in less than 48 hours i have decided in this time of need to list down all the things that i'm supposed to do come thursday, 1030am. reason being, i might just forget all of them while mugging like crazy for the tests (even though i may just fail every one of them in the end). oh, and did i mention i seriously need something else to do besides revising for econs?

haha so first off, there were seriously a hell lot of movies that were released during our june holidays, but because of the timing of the stupid tests i only managed to catch two of them, and iron man was like seriously damn frickin lag, and prince caspian was well...not really a movie outing because i watched it on a pirated dvd in malaysia xDD

but once the cts are over hell yea am i going to make sure i watch every good movie that's out...and whether there's anybody going with me or not i'd very well watch it in the cinema by myself if i had to :p unless they're going to show a scary trailer before that then erm maybe not ><

so some of the seriously FAR OUT movies that i just HAVE to watch:

don't mess with the zohan

the trailer for this just looks TOO FUNNY to be true! haha, be it on the tv or in the cinema i think this is gonna be another of those 'i just spent two hours watching what!?!?!' kinda things, but they're always worth it xD reminds me of meet the spartans, and everyone knows i went to watch that TWICE HAHA!! ok maybe it wasn't such a good idea saying that T_T

get smart

ok this has been getting like rave reviews all over the place and even in the TODAY paper omg how often does that happen? :O so it must be a good movie and i absolutely agree HAHA ok whatevs funny movies appeal to me all the time :P

hancock

i think will smith is seriously a genius and a damn good actor and i've probably caught all his movies except i am legend cos i heard that was damn crappy but nevertheless i still saw a bit of it on a dvd...but judging from the trailer i think this is gonna be quite cool too! not to mention funny! harhar!!! so yes another must watch for slau! :D

the incredible hulk

woohoo!! another marvel movie!! :D and i think my comic collection stands testament to the fact that i always go crazy whenever this kinda things come out...so yes! MUST WATCHHHH!!! roar though i have no idea wth the brown monster is supposed to be in the movie...never saw it before in any of the graphic novels oO weeeeird...but it's always good to thrash the storyline after you've watched it i guess xDD

the dark knight

why so serious?

omg the joker looks absolutely freaky in this one i almost screamed at the trailer srsly! despite what everyone used to say about previous batman movies except batman begins i think they're all damn good!!! i guess i just like to see random comic book characters put into film :/ what can i say? i'm easily thrilled...

wanted

hm i just saw the trailer for this on the television and it looked so frickin cool that i went to the website immediately to check it out:

http://www.wantedmovie.com/

er i'm not sure if this is the actual movie website it looks kinda crappy but owell xD was the best i got haha...and angelina jolie is always a plus point!! <333

heck...i'm gonna waste a shit lot of money T_T but that's not all i'm gonna do after cts! my life isn't all about movies :D so don't worry!

see the physio and get my frickin elbow properly treated it's been troubling me for seriously too long and i need to get the problem solved once and for all well they helped me with my shoulder so maybe they can help me with this, the bane of my existence...okay that was going a little over the edge but you get the idea :P

train harder and be ready to kick some softball ass by december! or the sooner the better! must be ready to play at the highest level AT ALL TIMES and seriously make myself the best (Y) combined schools calls!!! cannot embarrass myself at nus open or whatever tournaments we're going for oO

learn to play another instrument probably the guitar cos there're alot of people i can learn from. and it's less bulky than the piano. and i can serenade my wife to be :D

start mugging for promos so i won't have to stress myself out in another three or four months T_T this has seriously been one of the most traumatising periods of my school life so far and i wouldn't want to go through it again please?

haha so yeah...after all that well i guess there's only one thing to do...

back to mugging! :D

enormous pen is what keeps me calm

2008-06-20T22:32:00.004+08:00

counselling? therapy?

why waste money on preserving your sanity before exams when you could just listen to a SONG? :D

Enormous Penis
Da Vinci's Notebook

Whenever life gets you down,
keeps you wearing a frown,
and the gravy train has left you behind...
and when you're all out of hope,
down at the end of your rope,
and nobody's there to throw you a line...
If you ever get so low
that you don't know which way to go
come on and take a walk in my shoes...
Never worry 'bout a thing
got the world on a string
Cause I've got the cure for all of my blues.

(CHORUS)
I take a look at my enormous penis
and my troubles start melting away.
I take a look at my enormous penis
and the happy times are coming to stay.

I gotta sing and I dance
when I glance in my pants
and the feeling's like a sunshiney day...
I take a look at my enormous penis
and everything is going my way.

(CHORUS)
I take a look at my enormous penis
and my troubles start melting away.
I take a look at my enormous penis
and the happy times are coming to stay.

Yeah I got great big amounts
in the place where it counts
and the feeling's like a sunshiney day...
I take a look at my enormous penis
and everything is going my way.

Everything is going my way...

if music be the food of love,
then i'd rather not be smart.
because being smart spoils a lot of things,
and taste isn't kind.

the end is nigh

2008-06-19T19:57:00.004+08:00

did i spell nigh correctly? haha i think so, not that i rely on that word very often anyway, but in this case its usage is very apt, because the end seriously is coming T_T for me, at least...

CTs START IN FOUR DAYS PEEPS!!!

can you handle it? :D

i hope i can, cos it'd be damn sad to break at the first hurdle ): at least if i try and fall flat on my face it wouldn't be as embarrassing :/

ok, yeah it might just be but, i have to try right!

and it's not as if i haven't been trying! i think i've really spent alot of time mugging over the hols, and i think i deserve just rewards ):

RIGHT!?

omg i'm freaking out ><

THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY

FRICKIN MONDAY!!

/edit

oh yea, for my six bucks...

PORTUGAL PLEASE!!! FOR THE WIN!!!

KICK GERMANY'S ASS!!!

current mood: pissed

2008-06-14T19:48:00.002+08:00

oh my gawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwd

faaaaaaaaaaark math...

/edit

hm...reading old posts really brings back good memories...

this is all merrill's fault...i really should be studying now :P

from yougotpenged: haha shit this was srsly damn long ago, like more than two years? really great times i can almost imagine all of us in the classroom doing all this retarded stuff xDD

20060331
quotes again!
hallo and here is another day of quotes from the classroom of 3P:

1) 7:55am Merrill(to Peng): oh shit so that's how you do it!
haha now you all know why peng's head is so big - he pumps it with air from a football pump!

2) 7:58am Gareth: they have 5 chinamen!
Seetow: oh yah they use their head to block your vision!
haha gwar trying to defend their loss in table tennis to maris stella. obvious link back to peng.

3) 8:05am Merrill: who just took down half of China's population?
peng had just been pushed to the ground.

4) 8:15am Tze Ern: what's m-ole concept?

5) 8:20am Merrill: i had sex.
we know merrill we know. with erica.

6) 8:50am Peng: polar molecules?
Joshua: polar cakes and puffs!

7) 9:10am (teacher - cannot say who otherwise kena caught and canned): Limp Bizkit sounds like a drill there's like no tune!
haha of course you're entitled to your own opinion ma'am.

8) 9:11am Slau: ma'am you look like pikachu!
Seetow: especially with the red cheeks!
pimples - red cheeks?

9) 9:12am Question: what's a cheebye?
Seetow: something you see in between your legs!

10) 9:14am Seetow: Eh you all MINDist arh!
racist, sexist...MINDist!

11) 9:22am Seetow: my pen is going to write on the paper (rubs thing on worksheet)
inside joke...

12) 9:28am Peng: yah i'm so quiet
please lah peng we can hear your brain throbing every second.

13) 9:41am Hiok: i'm sure you write porn lah you draw porn.

14) 12:00pm Seetow: yah lah peng has a lot of CCAs...air pistol, clean the drain, drill a hole, wear a construction hat (damn big one)
(Slau falls off his chair)
dun get this one can ask seetow haha...

15) 12:02pm Seetow: ma'am are you good at literature? oh WHOOPS! ma'am are you good at GP? oh WHOOPS!

16) 12:05am Seetow: must make ms then very angry den all the blood go to her face den cannot see her pimples.

17) 12:06am (teacher) you mean tom likes tami?
haha see...EVERYONE knows!

HAHA and from some damn old blog of mine...shan't reveal the url :p not a side of me many people would like to see but you can really tell the difference between then and now from here xD:

Thursday, July 13, 2006

wahlao maths was a piece of chocolate cake man. i think i really got chance of getting 100% leh hahaz. unless mr teo decides to be strict and minus marks cos i never cancel out the 0/dunno wat forgot alr.

sigh...the nostalgia...

to be emotional, or to mug. that is the question.

2008-06-13T20:30:00.001+08:00

If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through;
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I'll be loving you. Love, me.

from some random, emo slau moment ):

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

erm well, not exactly yesterday, but recent enough for me to still remember...

It's hard to say that I was wrong
Its hard to say that I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not the same

It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone, it's not the same

well, you are gone, aren't you? :/

some cool shizzle, me gizzle! :D

2008-06-13T02:39:00.005+08:00

haha THIS IS SOME COOL ATTENTION-SAPPING, TIME WASTING, ELECTRICITY-EXPENDING STUFF!

The ACDC (Adam/Chu Dance Crew, not what you may be thinking sipei -.-)

VS

The M&M Cru

DANCE BATTELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

yeah wth man, never thought an online dance battle could be so interesting oO

anyway, just so people like sipei don't get lost trying to find out what's going on...:P hahas...here're the related videos (i think):

Number 1 (i mean, it's called "The First Challenge" so yeah, i thought it'd be the first clip if you want to think differently that's your own personal point of view but i mean, yeah, that's what i think la not saying you have to follow whatever i say closely because, you know, i'm not like, smart and all i'm just an average kid not some overachieving whatshisorhername who usually doesn't have the time for this kind of things and you should probably know by now i'm being sarcastic hahas well if you don't then erm, good luck to you :P)

Number 2:

Number 3's in the post below so yeah, check it out YER-ALLSSSS???

Number 4:

and that probably ends it off, not trying to be any male chauvanistic pig or anything, but i think ACDC just totally kicked the butts offa M&M? ya dig?

ok whatevs damn lame -.-

i think it's all damn cool but ACDC just looks more professional and all...and they really get the right people in it like all the ex-So You Think You Can Dance competitors to help out.

SHIT i'm not metro ok! i don't dig dance exactly so i'm not turning girly or anything please don't judge me T_T

/edit

oh ya

IT'S 2:49AM!!

HAHA OMG THIS IS HOW ILL-INFORMED I CAN BE (or you can be, face it.)

AFTER ACDC VS M&M CRU, apparently this guy wanted in to!! xDD

MICHAEL BUCKLEY FROM THE WHATTHEBUCK SHOW!! xDDD

SHIT FUNNY

AND WAY COOL IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY

BUT STILL WAY COOL xDDD

shit, reminds me of something 3/4p might have done xDD

what i do at 424am in the morning

2008-06-12T04:23:00.007+08:00

SHIT THIS IS SICK

and this is what i do at 4:24am in the morning xD

oh yeah, besides studying :p

haha who am i kidding, studying is for DIPSHITS seriously who gets a kick out of doing stuff like that!?

only retards and people who belong in like...owell i probably should keep my comments to myself cos there ARE people out there (gasp!) who like studying apparently. makes them feel very fulfilling and...

WHAT THE HELL MAN CAN'T EVERYONE JUST STOP MUGGING FOR AWHILE AND GO ENJOY YOUR FRICKIN LIFE? POLLUTION'S KILLING YOU FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!

oh wait, you bio students already know that!

haha whatevs...have a nice day, studying ;)

i. hate. math.

2008-06-10T20:09:00.003+08:00

the hell was the idiot that even thought up the idea of math. i bet he's burning in hell now.

i wish i could crack my skull and suck out my brains, then maybe i wouldn't have to sit for the math CT.

but then they'd tell me that i never really needed my brains to do math in the past, thus my kinda sucky to the max grades for math so far.

so in the end i'd just have to do the paper in a hell lot of pain.

oh, and not forgetting the fact that i'd probably lose all recollection of who i really am.

like it even mattered in the first place though.

dang, do i hate math -.-

/edit

LOOKING FOR A MATH MUGGING PARTNER!

MUST BE SMART

MUST NOT BE GAY

MUST NOT BE PENG

MUST HAVE A HIGH TOLERANCE FOR ALL THINGS STUPID

and most importantly

MUST HAVE JUST STARTED ON MATH

like me! :D

note: no money involved, but you will feel this warm fuzzy feeling in your heart after all this (:

(about) 2 weeks left people!

2008-06-07T20:48:00.004+08:00

mugging's been coming along pretty well so far IMHO. of course i say it by my own mediocre standards: i'll probably going to end up doing a lot worse than i expect come the CTs. so i might as well just start aiming lower shouldn't i? HAHA

shit but i can't lose to chien ming...must get AAAC for this CTs so i'll RAPE his wallet and make him 200 bucks poorer.

haha but who am i kidding...even if by some miraculous, divine intervention i DO manage to get three A's for physics chem and econs (which would already make me frickin damn bloody happy) i probably will only be able to manage a U, at most an S (ass) for math, such is my dire situation.

oh, if only i hadn't been playing my psp at almost every math lecture/tutorial ): i'd be in such a better situation now...

but there's not much i can do about it now...might as well just put my head down and hardcore mug/study/mug/study again until time's up. and during the test just hardcore write...keep writing until time's up. and i've put all my cheating ways behind me (well most of them at least) so i shouldn't be getting any more stick from the Guy up there regarding my moral alignments.

in short i just wish i can give a good account of myself at this CT 1. i think i've been mugging really hard so far, and except for the first week where we had CCAL camp, and all the random stuff i've been doing in the days since then, i've spent almost every other minute reading some stupid notes that i should have totally memorised like ages ago the first time the lecturer went through it. hm, something to think about come term 3. would probably save me a lot of time too. at the same time i'd probably have to get rid of a lot of the junk that's already stuck up there to make some space.

damn, i can't even remember the last time i slept at 3am mugging. doing homework yes, mugging no. and the two are really quite different.

i'm just damn determined to keep to my mugging schedule now and i'm not going to let anything screw up my progress. was like some zombie at training today, lucky it was just dsa trials and i hope we get whoever we want to and can get. all the guys that came down today have their own strenghts and can compliment the team in their own ways so i hope that all of them successfully make it through to rj whether it be through dsa, results or sports appeal. good luck to all of them.

and my elbow flared up again during training. damn and i don't want to go back and see the stupid physio, though i have to admit my shoulder's almost 100% ok now oO maybe i might have to reconsider...haiz. not sure if they'll be too happy to see me hahaz :p

SHIT ok damn i shall end this SOLILOQUAY (woohoo i still got some lit in me) and go finish up my chem revision. have fun mugging peeps and peepettes! [pipettes? ^o)]

Study!

2008-06-05T23:10:00.005+08:00

woohoo! i like my new layout alot! :D makes me feel like blogging but i've been too tired since i just came back from malaysia ): even though it was supposed to be like, a holiday there i seriously think i spent more time studying than anything else. which is good, cos now i'm done with econs. yay! :D

the hols are going past quite frickin quickly :/ erps...before you know it everyone'll be back in their school uniforms going to rj waking up at 6+ in the morning. but before that there are CTs!!! ><

but first, i'm really pissed off with a certain someone. i wouldn't say it straight to her face but wtshit!

i'm just too pissed off for words but wdv...i'm really frickin sian now.

slau is be needing some Jesus please!?!?!?!?

like now, if You will!?!?

/edit

it makes me really damn frickin sad to be sitting here thinking about my sec 3/4 life. back then i was dying to come to jc and get rid of all the frickin common class tests and small tests and big tests and tall tests and white and black tests...but now i wouldn't mind trading all i have now to go back then. ok, maybe not combined schools. but i wouldn't mind going back then, and facing all the shit that i had to deal with last time, and having a whale of a time with the best frickin class that i ever had!

i dunno why it had to come down to this to make me appreciate 3/4p for what it really was. looking back now i never really indulged in the all-out attempts of people like merrill, bentay, daniel, josh, seetow, sometimes moose sometimes leo sometimes edmund sometimes gan even, to go and break every rule that there was to be broken in the stupid rafflesian handbook. i'd just sit at the side and laugh my guts out. and now i think i'm paying the price.

ponning lectures just don't cut it when you pon them by yourself. the fun comes from the planning and the execution, but most of all in the partaking in the fruits of our labour at the end of all that. and when you're by yourself...you don't enjoy it as much.

i'm not saying my class at present isn't good. heck, i may not even know what they may be able to accomplish. i am well aware of the fact that each entity in this universe has its own strengths and weaknesses and possibly i would just have to give myself a little more time to warm up to the guys and girls in my class...

owell..

i can't stop myself from thinking can i ):

cheers, to:

carvin
tedric
gareth
jorel
chee
nat
slau
gan
merrill
daniel
hiok
kevin
moose
leoson
edmund
josh
ben
scrot
seetow
paul
ding
tze ern
tom
will
PENG

(ok somewhere in the middle i forgot everyone's register numbers so i just put everyone's names down ><)

cheers to 3/4p!

STEP UP FOR DOWN

2008-06-02T00:18:00.007+08:00

this is a SHOUT OUT:

WHO WANTS TO GO FOR STEP UP FOR DOWN!?

i kinda need people to go with cos it's JUST NOT COOL to go for this kinda stuff yourself!

so if you're going, WAIT UP FOR ME so i can confirm stuff when i come back on THURSDAY please? :D i would be eternally grateful!

and you'd probably have to get a good seat (meaning $24 or $28 ones) to be able to see anything cos there's NO MOSHING allowed since you'd be blocking the guys at the front if you do so and that's JUST NOT COOL!

it's 8th JUNE at SING POLY doods!

/edit

BAYBEATS SCHEDULE IS OUT

29, 30, 31 AUGUST 2008

31st AUG/NOKIA POWERHOUSE/11-1130PM:

CARA-FRICKIN-CAL!!!

/edit AGAIN! sorry! ><

haha recently i've attended two 'gigs': shiprocked at the butter factory, and keynotes at the loof today! they've really opened my eyes to the local rock scene and i've really learnt a lot about what it means to be 'professional'. hopefully this will all help me and the band improve and impress that special someone :/ *cross my fingers*

this is from shiprocked at the butter factory that took place last thursday i think! quite sad cos not a lot of people turned up and the bands that day were really good! first time watching armchair critic and trella perform...don't have a lot of photos cos i'm not a photo guy :/

keynotes at the loof today was a lot more happening! more bands, more people, more atmosphere! it was like at this pub thingy in the open on the third level of odeon towers opposite raffles hotel and it was really cramped at first when the first band caracal (of which i have no photos. dang) came out to play but unfortunately (but not so for me) it became less crowded as the night wore on cos the stupid thing started frickin late and more people started to leave until it was almost half empty when armchair critic (dunno why they're always playing last!) came out to perform...

the setup...with no band duh.

the empty stage...from another position.

silhouette! second band of the night and they're performing at baybeats too!

cardinal avenue! also going to baybeats. third band of the night.

TRELLA! haha omg i think trella is frickin cool the small guitarist is frickin awesome! inspiring!! *cries*

trella!

ARMCHAIR! a three man band.

armchair!

ARMCHAIR!!!! haha i'm becoming quite a fan xD lucky ffaf got postponed so now i can go see them!

haha sorry it was quite hard to find a proper position to take photos from where i was sitting...and i did shift a lot during the whole thing. oh and these were taken with my handphone so yeah, don't kill me ><

on the whole was really a good experiance and there i shall leave you with this before i go to malaysia for like, four days? coming back on thursday so PLEASE MISS ME! and thanks sipei for inviting me i know you're reading this!

It Lives!!

2008-06-01T00:03:00.005+08:00

my blog is alive!

well, sorta :/

i don't really mean to be emo! honestly, would anyone who knows me think i'm the emo kinda guy? oO exactly. i'm not! and i never asked to be! it's just that things don't really work out the way they should sometimes, and when they don't, you can't really expect me to go jumping around like how i usually do, do you?

i am entitled to my own angsty, emo, sad, disappointed, wasted, anguished moments in my life, aren't i?

and most of them seem to revolve around the same few topics...i'm sure a lot of us may be able to emphatise...so i won't really bother to elaborate.

anyhoo it's been quite a good start to the holidays.

like i mentioned earlier, i just came back from ccal camp and i really had a whale of a time there! got to meet a lot of really nice people and the camp just put a lot of us in new situations where we were able to see the new sides of old friends, as well as see old friends in new ones. doesn't really make sense but i was trying to fit the whole literary thing in :/

some things that i will keep with me for a very long time:

olivia's math!
olivia's cooking! don't worry...this won't just revolve around her xD
pauline and yiyun's warped state of mind! yes, you wouldn't believe the things that they talk about...
merrill and chengwen's crazy stretcher lifting! seriously, hats off to the two of them who carried the stretcher plus the stupid 30kg casualty almost 4km during the land expedition.
the fun singing in the bus! and the discovery of a star in the making...obviously i fancy myself to be better than pauline but that girl can sing! chinese too!
sherrie's sauntering!
olivia's strutting!
merrill and chengwen's gay tendencies! it isn't a coincidence that these two names have appeared together twice already. they did sleep in the same tent during the camp after all. with me. and stefan.
the food. which sucked omg, except for olivia's cooking and the BBQ on the last night.
showering in the cubicle! haha i think i was the only guy that did that? everyone else probably used the communal shower at least once i think? haha don't blame me, blame jaina for telling me about chuck and larry three days before the frickin camp!
finally seeing a flush on the third day! it was frickin good being able to press the flush button in the hotel toilet, and actually get to sit on a toilet seat!
feasting on marshmallows at night and trying to roast them by candlelight! epic failure with seepee, the ang moh and other random people...
screaming pass it on with merrill!
screaming batch song! ON MY OWWWWWWWWWN! i think i heard pauline somewhere too though...
having a hard time sleeping at night cos the tent was so damn hot!
having a hard time sleeping at night cos the ground was so bumpy!
having a hard time finding the right words to say to you!
having a hard time finding the right ways to approach you!
having a hard time even looking at you!
talking/emoing/angsting/screwing around with rock peeps! yingqi ang-moh and seepee! not so much kelvin but owell he was there too!
getting damn pissed off with people!
rowing in the dragonboat to chants like BJ and BASKET!
having fun with other sub-groups especially the HANSUM one and neo's group at night activity!
walking like a crab at land ex with nicky due to groin abrasion!
making a difference by getting my hands dirty! planting mangroves!
sinking into the mud on my BUTT!!
laughing a lot!
eating a lot!
sleeping a lot! especially when i got back!

haha seriously, i would really like to go back and do all that again! and maybe change one or two things here and there, but i would really like to go back!

hope the rest of the hols will be just as enjoyable! (:

/edit

i know it's been damn frickin long, but...

my only consolation in this time of need! <3 rock!

and i don't even know all the people in there yet!

time remembered, is grief forgotten

2008-05-31T14:16:00.002+08:00

what i would give to be with you right now:

my life, for what it's worth.
my future, and all that i may accomplish.
my past, and all that i have acquired.
my joy, because there is none without you.
my possessions, for without you, they have no one to please.
my life. and i would die for you.

2008-05-30T16:22:00.001+08:00

i just came back from ccal camp.

going to spend a few days in singapore before leaving for malaysia on monday, only to return on thursday.

i love you and you know it.

2008-05-25T11:48:00.002+08:00

what i would give, to tell you how i really feel...

but maybe you already know!

though i tried my best to deny...i didn't think it was the right time.

but apparently i waited too long, or did i? would i have just hastened by demise?

i know i never deserved the opportunities you allowed me, i'm not that great to be worthy of coming within three feet of you.

why does it always have to come down to this...

i wish i weren't such a loser sometimes...

2008-05-25T01:32:00.000+08:00

walao FUCK THIS! like anybody reads this shit!

i'm such a fucking LOSER!

post number 120

2008-05-25T01:06:00.001+08:00

post number 120, and this has to be like some sad piece of crap.

on a day when so many good things happened.

and i never even got to say those three words.

dang, but whatever. when will i get on with these games?

the river

2008-05-24T00:38:00.001+08:00

I DID IT LIKE, OMG! I FRICKIN DID IT!

thanks to the ang moh for giving me the chance! and the rest of 730 rampage!

and whoever was there just to support!

<3

2008-05-19T23:01:00.001+08:00

i'm such a confused little person.

do i want this? do i want that?

maybe i just want you...

sad sad story

2008-05-12T23:13:00.002+08:00

this is a sad sad story. really sad.

there was once a blind girl who was angry at eveyrthing around her because she felt everything was somehow responsible for her pitiful state. everything except her loving boyfriend, who was there for her each time she needed him, and even when she did not. "if only i could see," she used to tell him, "i would definitely marry you." one day, someone donated her a pair of eyes, and when she was finally able to see she was shocked to find out that her boyfriend was blind. turning away in disgust she left her boyfriend. one day, a long while after that she received a message from him saying "please take care of my eyes."

when good news is nothing but inconsequential

2008-05-10T13:50:00.002+08:00

i got a piece of good news on thursday. like, fricking damn exciting good news. news that about a year ago would have made the rest of my life seem like one big happy dream. even a math test the next period couldn't dampen my spirits much.

but somehow, it seems to me like good news is just that, news...when you're not there to enjoy it with me. and you're not. you never are. and i hope you haven't changed that much yet, to forget the promises that you've made.

2008-05-08T00:18:00.002+08:00

yeah, i was supposed to be sleeping a damn long time ago but my mind has started to wander and i feel the need to put something down in words.

life is tough.

like honestly, sincerely complicated. and to think i just found out! all along i've been going about my life thinking i know what i want and i am destined to achieve it if i continue working towards and keeping my mind focused on it but that isn't exactly the case at this point in time. i mean, how much would you expect a life-long goal to change over a lifetime?

but mine has, and i'm not sure how to respond to it. if i do follow my conscience, i might very well turn the very people i used to love against me. and though this delicate state of equilibrium (yes, physics still manages to find its way into something as literary as a blog post) is working just fine for me right now, i can't say it's exactly what i want.

so what if both sides are happy when i'm not?

should i be so accomodating as to sacrifice my personal wants, needs, cravings, desires, passions...to subject myself to the kind of ignominy and degredation that i am currently having to deal with? it seems as if nothing i do will up my credibility, move me up a notch or two. everything i do can be criticised one way or another, and nobody actually takes into account the setbacks that i have had to deal with.

yes, i was stupid to force it, but give me a break now ok? i think i've proven my worth but nobody can play a perfect game, nobody can be faultless and everybody has their own strengths and weaknesses. why define my faults and shortcomings so clearly and prominently when i already obviously know what's wrong with myself? as if anyone knows me better than...me?

at this point i'm too lazy to let weird al and avenue q load on youtube, so please bear with me. and i hope that fucked up piece of crap doesn't come irritate me on my tagboard again.

anyway, quite a bit has transpired in school thus far, and a friend has been gained, and quickly lost. i do regret my failure to treasure this person more than i should have, and i know that it is way past the time to regret and repent. but i hope this person will continue to experiance success after success, cos it's exactly what this person deserves and i wish this person all the best.

from the bottom of your used-to-be bestie's heart.